testing

What went in my face:

Coffee (gotta have it)
Lite english muffin w/wedge laughing cow lite
Frozen WW meal
pasta vodka (made without the vodka and with fat-free half and half) YUMMY!
big ass salad
skinny cow

I really want this blog to be an inspiration to me, and possibly to others. I want to do it to keep me focused and on track. However, the first thing that comes to mind is not inspirational. I'm just really freaking tired of being fat. THAT is what I keep thinking about! Every night I go to bed with all good intentions. I fall asleep thinking about how tired I am of being fat, how fantastic it will feel to be thin and healthy again. I think about all the times I've seen people I haven't seen in a while and I've been so embarassed. And I think about how wonderful it would be to see the same people and be *thin*. I think about what I'm going to eat the next day. I plan out how I'm going to exercise. And then I just don't follow through. Lately I have a good week, then I have a bad week. I'm gaining and losing the same two pounds over and over again. I'm tired of it. And yes, I do feel sorry for myself. Why do *I* have to be the one who always has to watch what she eats? Why can't it be easy for me? Well the plain old fact is that it's not. I have this body, I choose to eat what I want and not exercise. I have no one to blame but myself. It's time to do this....I'm so tired of living like this. Of huffing and puffing, of being embarassed, of shopping in the plus size section, of not having the energy to play with my children....I'm done with it. I have a very long way to go, so I'm going to focus in 5 lb. increments.

I read a quote last year and it has stuck with me. I think about it often (like every night), and I'm so guilty of this. I need to get off my ass and plough the GD field.

"You can't plough a field by turning it over in your mind."