If you happened to catch that post, I'm sorry, I just deleted it. It didn't feel good with it out there. I'm *STILL* keeping my mouth shut. She's already done her damage, nothing I can say at this point will change anyone's mind.

My goodness, Lauren is the cutest thing ever. She's got this wicked New York accent, I don't know where it comes from. I don't believe I have a real Jersey accent, I think it stems from spending months in South Carolina when I was younger. But I'll give you a for instance. Lauren roots for the New York Rangers when Bob is watching them on TV. She chants, "let's go Rain-juhs".

She was sitting on my lap before, started kissing my face and said, "Me gonna eat you for dinnuh". I started laughing because I always eat her up and tell her she's good enough to eat for dinner. Then she said, "me gonna put you in da rice". LOL.

I got off the treadmill this morning and had sweat pouring off of me. Literally pouring down my face. And I was positively giddy. Me, the girl who avoided breaking a sweat at all cost. Strange times.

You know....some people are just assholes, that's what it boils down to. Would it have killed them to acknowledge, respond, support, smile, something...anything?????

Said enthusiastically by someone who is supporting me: "R.'s lost almost 30 lbs!" to two people, who happen to be married and fat-phobic.

And I got in response.........Nothing. No "atta girl", nothing. Nothing except a look that said to me, "well you better keep going cause you're still as big as a house". Fuckers.

I want to see Tyler Florence naked. I keep racking my brains trying to think up a Food 911 emergency so he can come play at my house. He's yummy.

1.8 lbs. this week for a total of 28.8 lbs. so far. I'm so proud of myself!

Today I noticed that there's something really freakish about my legs. My right leg is noticeably smaller than my left down towards my ankle. There's about a 1 3/4" difference. Wierd. On the bright side, when I was looking at my freaky legs, I noticed that I have a calf muscle. Me...a muscle!!!

Today was also measurements day (I didn't take beginning measurements, my first measurements taken were at week 4 when I was already down 13 lbs.):

Arm: -1", -1" total (or 2" for both arms)
Waist: -1 1/2", - 6 3/4" total
Hips: -2 3/4", -4 3/4" total
Thigh: -.5", -2" total (or 4" for both thighs)
Bust: -3", -5" total

For a grand total of 22.5". Slammin.

Just in case you were wondering....yes, I am obsessing about tomorrow's weigh-in. I have my period AGAIN (long story), which may affect the scales. I also worked out hard tonight at Curves (55 minutes baby!) and I'm afraid my new Popeye muscles are going to show up on the scale.

But it's going to be what it's going to be. I can't control it, so I need to quit obsessing!

I am very proud of how much exercise I got this week. I didn't realize it until I looked over my journal tonight. I never would have thought I'd ever exercise 5 times in one week. Go me!

I like chewy foods. They make me feel more satisfied for some reason. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Lauren had a sneezing fit tonight. Poor little thing, she was sneezing her head off. She let out one final sneeze and had what seemed to be a huge booger hanging out of her nose. I went to wipe it, and realized it was a piece of fettucini. Guess what we had for dinner? :o)

I'd still love to know how it got up there.

Mark the date folks...today I exercised TWICE in one day, thanks to a good friend who FORCED me to walk for 45 minutes or so (note to self: never ever call Biggie again and suggest she call if she's up for a walk because she actually believed you meant it).

I even earned enough activity points to cover the Malibu Bay Breeze I had while out with a friend (waves hi to L.!).

I just happened to turn on the TV and the Celine Dion special is on. She cut her hair and boy howdy does it make her look older.

I should have been born with vocal talent. I love to sing. Loudly. Really loudly. Embarass-your-kids-loud. I think I sound good. ;o)

We got a redwood playground today. I'm not happy with the way we came across it, but we couldn't turn down the price. We went pricing them and quickly realized we couldn't afford it. One of Bob's coworkers overheard him telling someone that we were looking at them, and he mentioned that his old neighbor was looking to sell his. He just had it installed last year and then the couple divorced. I told Bob I wasn't taking it if the kids were still in the house, but they weren't. Neither the mom or the dad lives in the house anymore. But still. I keep telling Bob it's tainted. Anyway, we got this one. It's the base Sunshine Castle, the only difference is that the one we got today has a tire swing underneath the clubhouse.

Bob already rebuilt most of it because he was afraid he'd forget how it went together. It'll probably take 5 guys to carry it to the back of our yard. It'll be a while before it gets put up...we have a small metal swingset back there already...we need to remove that and level the yard a bit. We're going to be putting a patio down too so Bob will probably dig that down and use the dirt to level the back. Anyway, it's nice and big. It has a rope ladder, a slide, a trapeze, two regular swings, a tire swing and a disc swing. And the clubhouse has a periscope, steering wheel and some other stuff too. The best thing about it is it's so big it'll hide a bit of the pharmaceutical company in my back yard. ;o)

I like Celine Dion. How sad am I? The Yanni concert is in a few weeks....Bob is trying to weasel his way out of it. I may try and see if I can con one of my friends into going with me. Who wouldn't love the opportunity to see Yanni live (cough...Biggie...cough)??????

I have to admit that I'm really proud and pleased with myself. It's so much fun watching my body change. I always thought I had nice legs and they were the last thing to go on this bod, but even they eventually surrendered to the fat. I love the machines that work your legs at Curves, I can tell they're making a huge difference already. I have a waist now, my rings really should be resized...this is so cool. I used to fill out XXL t-shirts and now XL's are getting big on me...all this in just a few short weeks. It just spurs me on...if I feel this good now seeing these changes, what are things going to be like when I lose another 10, or 20? Right now I'm at the lowest weight I've been since before getting pregnant with Lauren. I have finally pulled out all my old jeans/pants. All the smallest sizes I have right now either fit or are a little snug. After this, I really will have to go out and buy new pants, I don't own anything smaller. That's such a great feeling.

It's nice not feeling so self-concious too. I mean I'm still really heavy, there's no way around that, but I don't feel like people are staring at me now. I'm starting to feel normal, and it's a good feeling.

I'm so proud of myself for doing this. I'm proud of the commitment I've made to myself. And I'm even more proud of the way I'm doing it...yes, I'm fairly strict and disciplined most days, but I'm doing things I can do for the rest of my life. I don't eat anything I don't enjoy and I find ways to eat lots of the things I love. We went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast this morning. I could have had the egg beaters and turkey sausage but I knew I would have felt deprived. It's one of the few CB's in our state, it takes us about 40 minutes to get there, it's the ONLY place in the state of NJ that I can get country ham in...so I ate exactly what I wanted to. And I gave up the stuff I didn't feel was very important. I used to order a coke with my breakfast, but since I haven't had soda in about 11 weeks now, I wasn't about to. Coca-Cola is evil. ;o) I knew I'd be better off drinking water, so I did. I handed over my bacon to DH, because I didn't want or need it. I ordered grits instead of their yummy sourdough toast because I don't eat grits...and Lauren does. You can be sure I ate the country ham and hashbrown casserole though! I ate slowly and enjoyed every bite of it. I made sure I got in all my water today, and was glad to see I could fit that meal into my day. I still eat what I want to, I eat what is important to me, I just find ways to fit it in.

Here is this week's menu, it's pretty simple this week because I hope to grill a lot if the weather holds up:

Chicken Bruschetta (Cooking Light recipe), orzos with red & yellow bell peppers, carrots and onions (I'm also doubling the veggies in the bruschetta to get our veggies in).

Whole wheat pasta, spicy turkey sausage & salad

Pork Loin, sauerkraut and potatoes, green beans w/garlic

Grilled marinated london broil, baked potatoes with lite sour cream and fresh chives, steamed broccoli

Grilled marinated chicken over salad (this is my light meal the night before weigh-in), the kids will have rice too.

Today my grandfather has been gone ten years. I can close my eyes and I'm back in my childhood bedroom on the phone and I can hear my mom scream. I know immediately that he's gone. I'm walking off the plane with my mother and my aunt is there. They are crying and they want to hug me. I don't want to cry, don't hug me, just leave me alone. I walk in my grandparent's house and see my grandmother. Now the tears come. How is she going to survive without him? I hurt for her, she's all alone now. I'm walking through the mortuary and my grandmother asks, "what do you think of this coffin, Punkin?". I think it's terrible, and I must be in dream. I can't really be in this room picking out a casket to put my grandfather in. The wake. He's there and he's pale and cold and gone. People are taking pictures. Why are they taking pictures? We don't take pictures of dead people in NJ. I'm going to slap my cousin Sylvia if she doesn't stop laughing. The cemetary. I sit in the front row while the man leans close to me and says, "this flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation..."and then presents the flag to me. My grandmother wanted it presented to me. People can bite me if they don't like it, I was his baby. They all know it's the truth too. He was the only true father I've ever known, why don't they understand? It's time to go. It's cold outside and we're driving away and he's in the ground. We're leaving him behind in the dirt. It's so cold. It's dark and dreary and he's in the cold ground. I can't get that out of my head.

We're back at my grandparent's. Everybody brings food. There's too many people here. I've never seen so much pimento cheese spread in all my life. I hate Bob for not being here. Everyone leaves. My mom, gram and I sit in the dark and we talk about him. I still can't believe he's gone.

Months wallowing in grief, grief so painful and numbing that at times all I can do is curl up into a fetal position and rock myself. And then I'm pissed. So pissed at him for leaving me. Why couldn't he wait until I was married? He knew I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. Why did he leave my grandmother all alone? And God...I don't think I believe in God anymore. Faith? I'm not sure I have any of that any more. You die, they bury you in the ground and then that's it. Because that's exactly what just happened. That's my reality.

A year goes by and things are a little easier. I'm not as raw as I was. I'm still stunned by the force of grief, I can feel it, really feel it...like being punched in the stomach. It hurts. But time has made things a little easier. I start to remember the things that make me smile. And now I'm engaged, and I'm trying to figure out who is going to walk me down the aisle. And one day I decide that I'm going to walk down by myself, but not really by myself. My grandfather will be beside me. I feel him, I know he is around me, I know he watches over me. I will walk down the aisle knowing that my grandfather is there taking each step with me. My wedding day. He is there. With every fiber in my body I KNOW he is there. I had asked him to give me a sign that he was there that day. And he did exactly what I asked him to do. And to make sure I knew without a doubt that he was there, he gave me another sign. I walk down with my mother (and my father), because I know he would have wanted me to.

Every year I open up my hope chest and I pull out the flag. And I pull out one of his hankerchiefs that was in his pockets and smelled like Old Spice and camel cigarettes. It's his smell. Each year it gets more and more faint. And today I smell it and it's gone. It smells like the cedar chest it's been living in for ten years. It was probably gone last year too, I just don't want to admit it.

He did an amazing job in helping to raise me. I was so lucky to have him. He made me feel so loved and safe. He could do anything, he could fix anything and he could make everything right. He always took my side, always stuck up for me. He did whatever was in his power to make me happy. He enjoyed being around me. He loved me. And he did a damn fine job of it.

I just still miss him so much. That hasn't gotten any easier. And I still mourn the things I didn't get to share with him, like my children. He would have loved them.

Yay!!! 3.2 lbs. for a total of TWENTY SEVEN POUNDS! Yay!!!! Got my magnet and the unexpected bonus of getting into a new decade on the scale. Woohoo!!!

I forgot to mention, we had whole wheat pasta the other day and I made a marinara sauce out of a can of Muir Glen organic crushed tomatoes and a can of Muir Glen Fire Roasted tomatoes. The flavor was incredible, I'm so glad I didn't substitute plain old crushed tomatoes for the Fire Roasted, it really makes the sauce. I followed this recipe from this month's Cooking Light magazine (1 pt. per 1/2 cup serving).

Smoky Marinara

INGREDIENTS
1 tablespoon olive oil
3 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
2 tablespoons chopped fresh or
2 teaspoons dried oregano
2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 (28-ounce) can crushed fire-roasted tomatoes, undrained
1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes, undrained

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add garlic, basil, parsley, and oregano; saute 1 minute, stirring frequently. Stir in vinegar and remaining ingredients. Reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes.

YIELD: 6 cups (serving size: 1/2 cup)

NUTRITIONAL INFO
CALORIES 55 (20 percent from fat); FAT 1.2g (sat 0.2g, mono 0.8g, poly 0.1g); PROTEIN 2.3g; CARB 9g; FIBER 2.3g; CHOL 0mg; IRON 0.9mg; SODIUM 350mg; CALC 49mg

I just can't do it. I'm not meant to eat sea critters. I'll stick with things that moo and cluck, thank you.

I tried to eat the tilapia, really I did. I tried hard. I just can't do it. I cooked it in a pan with 1/2 tbsp of olive oil till it was just about done. I removed it, threw in a 1/4 cup of dry white wine, some fresh peeled, seeded and diced tomato and 3 large minced garlic cloves. I liked that part, I just can't eat the fish. It wasn't even fishy, I just can't do it. I had about 4 tiny bites before I decided it just wasn't worth it to me.

I think it may have something to do with the fact that when I was reading about tilapia, I read something, somewhere that described it as a "noxious" fish, a pest. And I can't get that out of my head. BLECH.

I guess it would be a bad idea to eat 4 points worth of WW Giant Sundae cones instead, huh?

Hopefully I'll have good news tomorrow. I had a really great week points wise and did extremely well with working out too. Hopefully the scale will reflect it! I want the 25 lb. magnet, damnit!

I am wigging out about this war. I have so many thoughts running through my head, but what it all boils down to is I'm scared. I really hate living so close to NYC. We have had helicopters overhead all morning long. I was completely freaked by them until someone mentioned that airspace around NYC is probably restricted which is why they're flying RIGHT OVER MY HOUSE. Ugh.

I have to stop talking about this because it's making me crazy. So I'll just tell you that the big old tree in my backyard (which shades us in the summer from the huge pharmaceutical company that is in my backyard) now has gorgeous red blossoms on it. My daffodil's are starting to come up too. Spring is coming.

I made a yummy dinner last night. 5 pts. per serving. I used crimini shrooms and fontina cheese (it melts beautifully and is nice and mild). I did screw it up though...I had cut my breasts thin so I couldn't make a pocket. I just topped the breasts with the shrooms mixture and a slice of cheese and then placed the cover on for a minute or two until the cheese melted. It was really good, but the recipe definitely needed some minced shallot or onion. I will probably add another large garlic clove the next time I make it.

Mushroom-Stuffed Chicken Breasts with Madeira Sauce (from Cooking Light 4/02)

INGREDIENTS
1 teaspoon olive oil, divided
2 cups diced crimini or button mushrooms
1 large garlic clove, minced
1/4 teaspoon pepper
4 (4-ounce) skinned, boned chicken breast halves
4 (1/2-ounce) slices Gouda or fontina cheese
3/4 cup low-salt chicken broth
1/4 cup Madeira or dry sherry
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon water
4 small cremini or button mushrooms, halved (optional)
Thyme sprigs (optional)


INSTRUCTIONS
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cooking Time: 30 minutes

Heat 1/2 teaspoon oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add diced mushrooms and garlic; saute 3 minutes. Stir in pepper, and set aside. Cut a horizontal slit through the thickest portion of each breast half to form a pocket. Stuff 2 tablespoons mushroom mixture and 1 slice cheese into each pocket. Heat 1/2 teaspoon oil in skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken; cook 6 minutes on each side or until chicken is done. Remove chicken from skillet. Set aside; keep warm. Add broth and Madeira to skillet. Bring to a boil; cook 2 minutes or until reduced to 3/4 cup. Combine cornstarch and water; add to skillet. Bring to a boil; cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Return chicken to skillet; cover and simmer 2 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Serve sauce with chicken; garnish with mushrooms and thyme, if desired.


YIELD: 4 servings (serving size: 1 chicken breast half and 2 tablespoons sauce)

NUTRITIONAL INFO
calories: 207 carbohydrates: 4.1 g cholesterol: 82 mg fat: 6.9 g sodium: 207 mg protein: 31 g calcium: 117 mg iron: 1.6 mg fiber: 0.5 g

Matthew McConaughey is yummy. Reeeeally yummy. And that's all I have to say about that.

It's been a good day so far. It's warm out (like t-shirt warm!) although it's not too sunny. I'll take it. We're having grilled marinated chicken breasts tonight. I can't wait. I'm tired of cooking on the George Foreman! The kids and I had lunch outside and it was lovely. I can't wait for Spring!

I just spent over an hour cleaning out the toy room and it's still not anywhere near being done. I bought a bunch of totes today at Target to try and organize some of Joey's things. In this tiny sunroom we have a kids table with 2 chairs, an open multi-colored toy bin, a large toy box and a 3 shelf bookcase with about 12 small totes containing all our craft stuff. Piled on top of the shelf are coloring books/puzzles/play-doh boxes, etc. It was so bad you couldn't even walk in the room. Toys were everywhere. The funny thing is Joey really only plays with Lincoln Logs (which are now filling a 50 gallon tote, that's a lot of logs!) and Legos. And Lauren really only plays with her puppies, so I have no idea how it got so insane in there. It looks a lot better, but there's still so much to be done in there. At least my heart rate won't skyrocket everytime I look in that general direction now.

I think I'm going to have to give in and buy some more pants, although I really hate to do it. The jeans I'm wearing now look terrible. I look baggy and frumpy. I pulled out another pair of jeans that haven't seen the light of day in eons. They are Liz Claibornes, in a misses size, not plus, and I got them buttoned and zippered. I don't know that I'd actually leave the house in them, considering how snug they are, but I betcha in another 2 or 3 weeks they'll be fitting well enough for me to. I really wish I was a "true" size right now. I went from a pretty high plus size (in jeans), to a low plus size (what I'm wearing now that are almost falling off of me). I think I'm still in between misses/plus. I can go either way. I can't wait till I can say with certainty, "Oh I'm a misses size 10". That'll be a good day.

And the best part of today, I bought some underwear. At Target no less. They're nothing fancy, just cotton briefs, but they're cute and they're not white and they're not huge and they're a little big (I had no idea what size to buy). I tried them on over my underwear (AF is here) and they were a tad big. Yay, new undies! Colored undies! See, it really doesn't take a lot to make me happy. ;o)

Let me sum up the past 24 hours or so...

Joey - sick and feverish
Me - no sleep because of sick little one, also up from midnight to 1:00 a.m. rejecting last night's cheeseburger
Kids - up at the crack of dawn
Joey - stick
Lauren - eye
Bob - not home of course
Me - call Bob and tell him to get home NOW
ER visit
Lauren - abrasion on her eye, thankfully not the cornea, oh, and did you know she's got a fever, mom?
Kids - sick, screaming, whining, crying, finally sleeping
Me - I've had it

This morning I was down (thank heavens!) 1.4 lbs. for a total of 23.8 lbs. And that was after a dinner out, a 60th birthday party with catered food and only making it to Curves once this week (but I did the treadmill the 2 days I couldn't make it). Oh, and I just got my period so I'm retaining water. I still can't believe I'm actually doing this!

A mom from my PP Playgroup passed away last week in her sleep. I'm so sad. She had a loving husband and 3 beautiful children, the youngest being 5, Joey's age. I just can't imagine what the family is going through. I can't stop thinking of that poor baby. She went to bed that night and her world was normal and she woke up and her mommy is gone. Karen was a wonderful woman, a wonderful mother and a wonderful friend to many of the women on the board. She always had a kind word. She will be missed. Godspeed Karen.

It's time for pics of my little ones:

A recent photo of Lauren my dad took, diapering her baby:



Something a mother never wants to see, her kid in the back of a police car:



We have a friend who is a police officer in our town. He stopped by the other day so Joey could see what a real police car looked like. It was 7:00 a.m., hence the jammies.

Want to know what kind of crappy luck I have? I just had 4 new tires put on my car on Feb. 24. Today I came out of the grocery store and I had a flat. Down to the rim flat. I called for assistance and they told me it would be NINETY minutes. I called my MIL to see if she could come pick up the kids....she doesn't answer the phone. The roadside assistance must have taken pity on me because of the kids, and I kid you not, someone was there within 5 minutes. He went to put on the donut, and IT WAS FLAT. Why me???? He put enough air in it so I could make it to the tire place about 3 miles away. We waited there for them to put a new tire on for a long time. I don't even know how long. I just know we left the house around 9:30 and we didn't walk back in until 12:15 p.m. So now I'm sitting here enjoying my lunch and thankful to be home.

Breakfast:

2 cups coffee (4)
Didn't get to actually EAT because we were gone for so long.

Lunch:

3 cups mixed greens w/white wine vinegar (0)
2 oz. leftover turkey breast tenderloin (2)
1 cup leftover green beans w/garlic & olive oil (1)
1 lite english muffin (1)
1 slice 2% cheese (1)

Dinner:

Rotini & Cheese with Broccoli and Ham - Cooking Light 3/03 recipe (8)
Steamed Broccoli (0)

Exercise: treadmill - 30 minutes

I obviously have to get in a few more points for today...a snack or two will take care of that.

I'm happy to report that I'm back on track. :o)

Had a great day, ate at the low end of my point range but I'm absolutely stuffed. I also was able to work out, so that made me feel a whole lot better too.

The only blip in my day was running into Bob's ex-girlfriend at the grocery store. I think I've mentioned that we're friendly, I've been to her house, she's been to mine...but there's not much there. Literally. I've met some 7 year olds who have more intelligence than she does.

She also has this REALLY annoying habit of looking me up and down and saying, "You look good". And it's never when I do, and I don't for a minute believe she means it. Like today for instance, when all I did was hop out of bed, brush my teeth and pull my crazy hair back in a ponytail, not paying attention to the curly wispies that kept springing out all over. Lovely.

I'm beginning to think I'm mad. I actually asked Bob if he could clear a spot and set the treadmill up in the basement again. I've decided to walk on the treadmill on the days I don't go/can't go to Curves. Except for Sunday....my day of rest. I'm turning into some sort of exercising freak. It's scary.

Sigh. Big surprise party for Bob's father today and not one person noticed I've lost weight. I really only stayed in one room though (far away from the food), so maybe it was just hard to tell with me sitting down.

The past two days have been kind of crappy eating-wise. Yesterday was the first day in 9+ weeks that I didn't journal AT ALL. And I didn't journal at all today until this evening. I can't remember what I ate yesterday morning and afternoon. I really don't think I did THAT poorly considering we ate out. I had an enormous salad of mixed baby greens, one small bite of fried calamari and most of my entree. I did keep it light throughout the day, that much I know. I'm just wigging out because I can't remember. I also drank two carafes of water all by myself during dinner, and made a point to go to the ladies room when I saw them bringing the dessert tray around, so no dessert for me.

Today I ate pretty light for breakfast and didn't have lunch. At the party I definitely had too much (but not nearly as much as I would have normally had), but I felt SO deprived and SO pissed off that I couldn't just eat with wild abandon. Today was the first day in 9 weeks that I really, really wanted a real soda. I had a small (maybe 2 oz.) piece of chicken marsala, a very small piece of eggplant rollantine, tons of salad, one huge delicious olive and 8 baked zitis (yes, I counted how many I had!). I didn't have cake, and boy did I want it. Towards the end of the evening I started picking, and added 3 pretzels to that (as well as some plain veggies but they don't count). I just feel out of control, and TBH, kind of obsessed. If you look at how I handled things, I probably did pretty well considering it was a challenging weekend, but I feel like CRAP. I like being regimented and not having to deviate and I just felt like things were so out of my control. I had a delicious salad on Saturday night (mixed greens in a lemon vinaigrette with smoked mozzarella (given to my SIL) and roasted peppers). Instead of enjoying it, all I could think about was worrying about how much oil the chef put in the salad dressing. It didn't taste oily, but I didn't prepare it, so I don't know for sure. Blech. I hate this feeling. Tomorrow is (hopefully!) going to be a normal day and I'll be back on track with journaling 3 times a day and can hopefully shake this feeling. I'm so glad I didn't have the cake. I looked it up, and a 5 oz. piece would have been 12 points. So not worth it!

My, my, my. What a fantastic evening. Yes, I'm home early. And the funny thing is, I'm home earlier than my kids! We had a great dinner and then everybody was going to head on over to the MudHole to continue the evening. I would have gone, but I really don't do well in smoky bars. I get a raging headache. And besides, I spent an hour straightening my hair today. I need to get two days out of it. If I went, I'd have to shower tonight to get the smoke smell out of my hair. Just not worth it! But I sent a very tipsy Bob with his best friend Cado. Cado was the designated driver for years as he was the only one who never drank, and he and his wife Connie are going to be the designated drivers again tonight. They promised they'd bring him home safely (and most likely significantly more tipsy than he is now!!!).

I'm waiting for BIL & SIL to bring home the kids. They took them to Chuck E Cheese and they've been gone for hours! I'm going to have very tired babies when they get home.

Everybody noticed I lost weight. I wore my new black Dockers (they're slimming you know!) and a tight red shirt (tucked in!!!) and black dress shoes. I felt so good, and it felt so good that everybody made such a fuss over me. My other BIL & SIL were with us, and my BIL can be a real hard ass. He has a habit of saying exactly what is on his mind without thinking first. And when he says something, he means exactly what he says. And what he said to me was, "Renee, (big sigh), you're not fat". Bless his heart. He really believes it. This is a guy who never compliments anyone. Wow. I felt skinny. I just feel like my boobs look even bigger than before because I lost everything from my middle (which is really apparent when I tuck my shirts in). So I think they look ridiculously huge. I hope they shrink. I'm just so happy. It was so nice to go out and not feel self-concious.

22.4 lbs.....Springsteen tickets.....New Dockers bought on sale (for $6.66) two sizes smaller than I normally wear. Yay.

I was down 2.6 for 22.4 total. Yay!!!!! Got another 5 lb. star and my keychain for reaching my first 10%. I couldn't be happier!!!

The kids and I have really enjoyed having DH home this past week. It's going to suck when he's back at work next week!

Today we did some shopping and then Bob dropped me off at Curves while he and Lauren had breakfast across the street (Joey was in school).

Joey also started Tot Hockey today. He was unbelievably cute. He's getting really quick, but he's still shaky on his feet. He falls a lot but is able to get right back up. He was grinning from ear to ear too. He really loves being on the ice.

I weigh in tomorrow morning. I'm really scared to meet the scale again. I know I'll have a gain at some point during this journey, I just hope it's not tomorrow. I'm so close to 20 pounds I can almost taste it. Mentally it won't be a good thing for me. Plus we're going out tomorrow night with all of Bob's friends from high school and I'd like to be able to say I'm down 20 pounds. There will be 16 of us. It's amazing they're still all friends (and they all graduated different years), and I'm very friendly with their wives after all these years. I consider them my friends too. Still trying to figure out what I'm going to eat that will work points-wise! I've volunteered to be the designated driver so I know I won't be wasting points on alcohol!

I'm waiting for my mom to call me back. She called last night and scared me....my grandmother is not doing well again. She called back this morning and said that she was just fine now. She ate a huge breakfast and was alert. She called tonight and they were waiting for the ambulance to come take her to the hospital. The kids got to talk to her very briefly, I wanted them to because my mom said she had been talking about "the babies" all day long. In my rush to make sure that both kids got to talk to her, I never got to say I love you. I hope that wasn't the last time I'll talk to her. I know she knows I love her, and I know she loves me, but I still want to tell her every chance I get. And I just hate that I didn't say it. My mom said she'd call back once she knew what was going on, so it looks like it's going to be a long night.

I went to Curves this morning while Joey was in school and Bob took Lauren to Tumbling (have I mentioned I love the programs our town offers???). I worked out for 50 minutes, yay me! I really enjoyed it, and picked up the intensity a bit. I was pouring sweat and beet red (damned fair skin) by the time I left. Earned myself 3 activity points too!

Thought you might like to see one of my daily menus, so here is today's. My point range is 22-27. I could probably safely count 1-2 points for nursing but I never take it.

Breakfast:

coffee (2)
lite english muffin (1)
1 slice 2% cheese (1)

Lunch:

2 Trader Joe's Chicken Egg Rolls (4)
2 cups steamed fresh broccoli w/lemon juice (0)
1/2 tomato sliced thin with sliced red onion & balsamic vinegar (0) (I'm a rebel and I don't count points for onions)

Dinner:

Pork Picatta (from the Cooking Light website) (6.5)
Lemon Cous Cous (also from cooking light I think) (6)
Steamed Cauliflower (0)

I obviously have to eat something else to eat at my minimum, so I'll probably have some sort of snack at some point today. I'm trying to eat towards the low end of my point range anyway...still trying to make up for that cheeseburger. ;o) You'll also probably notice that I don't do very well in getting in my calcium. I also don't eat fruit (at least in the Winter), so I have to get in 5 servings of veggies. Dinner tonight is higher in point range than I normally eat...normally I keep it at about 8-10 points, but tonight we're trying two new recipes.

I SO don't want to go to Curves tonight, but I know I should. I also know I'll feel better once I do. But I really don't want to. I feel I must atone for the sin of eating a honking huge cheeseburger last night though. I didn't point it. ;o)

I woke up this morning shortly after 5:00 a.m. to my neighbor's dog barking to be let in. I'm not sure if she let him out and then fell asleep, but she wasn't hearing him. I made it till 6:55 a.m. and I called and left her a message. Yeah, I was really annoyed that he woke me up so gosh darn early, but it was 14 degrees here this morning and the wind was blowing (windchill was 0 degrees). That just chaps my ass. Poor puppy. She usually takes great care of him so I have to assume she just didn't mean to fall asleep. But still....IT WAS FREEZING!!!

I'm done already today. I had Kindergarten registration, a e-Bay post office run (and boy were they thrilled to see me with my many packages), a short visit to the ped. to identify a mystery rash, grocery shopping and a pharmacy visit (where I passed aisles and aisles of Easter candy, so unfair!). I did get the latest Cooking Light in the mail today so I think I'm going to hop in the bath and peruse it leisurely.

I was at Curves at 7:00 a.m. this morning. I really didn't want to go, lazy thing that I am. But I'm glad I went. I also weighed in this morning and I'm down 19.8 lbs.

Then we took Joey for his last ice skating lesson. He's doing so great and has such a great time. He was the last one off the ice this morning, and they had to make him get off! We told the instructors that we had signed him up for beginner's hockey beginning this Friday, and they all thought he was more than ready for it. They also decided to do the Learn to Skate program again through our town so we signed him back up. I think all the kids are going to do it again, so they will take it up another level so the kids continue to learn. I'm so glad he's taken such a liking to it. He has so much fun, and we love watching him.