It is SO good to be home. We had an absolutely wonderful vacation, and I could have easily stayed another week. But there's nothing like coming home and sleeping in your own bed.

My period showed up unexpectedly a week early. That was a bummer. And since I can't seem to use tampons, the Keeper or Instead...I was stuck. I really wanted to go play in the Ocean with Bob and the kids. The water temp was so warm, like stepping into a nice warm bath. Bob thought it was too warm but I say there is no such thing.

Our ride down was 12 hours and fairly uneventful. We listened to a great 80's station while the kids watched a video (or two or three). The ride home was a different story, and I don't feel like detailing the horrors of it.

Bob got in a few rounds of golf and every time he did I went shopping. That seems fair, doesn't it? We went to Barefoot Landing one night and I found this neat little store called Anything Joe's that sold really cute personalized items. Joey and Lauren each got a pillowcase and I bought my niece an umbrella that looks like a ladybug when you open it. We also
stopped by Broadway at the Beach one night, another big shopping/dining experience, and bought Lauren this Madame Alexander doll to add to her collection. And Joey came home with several of the newly released Thomas trains. I think he has 3,643 now. Kidding. He probably only has 643. Okay, okay. He's got over 100 though. And that's a lot of trains. I bought myself a toe ring and it's so much fun! I am kidding myself by believing I'm
hip because I have one now, LOL.

I got to have some of my favorites that I can't get up here in Jersey. Namely Cheerwine (a soda) and country ham. I brought some taylor ham down with me so my mom could enjoy it. That's one thing they can't get down there. I also got to have some of my mom's spaghetti and meatballs. Yum.

We spent lots of time on the beach, boating and did a bunch of other fun things. I contemplated parasailing all week and finally on Friday I figured out I really, really wanted to do it. I called and made my appointment for 11:00 a.m. that same morning. And then my step-dad realized that he needed to take the boat out of the water during high tide, so it needed to come out by 12:30 p.m. He needed Bob's help backing the trailer into the water to get it out and there was no way we were going to be back in time. So I called and changed the appointment to 3:00 p.m. Bob was convinced that I would chicken out, and I think he was amazed that at 2:15 I told him I was ready to go. We were on our way in the car when the place called to say that the seas had gotten too rough and it was not safe to fly. So they canceled on me. I still can't believe I worked up the nerve to do it and the canceled!!!

Lauren started talking up a storm while we were away. Bob taught her to say, "Hiiiiiiii crabbbbbbbby" while she waves her hand (a la Little Rascals). Except he taught her to say it to me. He also bought me a t-shirt at the rest stop in Maryland that has a big crab on it and says, "Don't bother me, I'm crabby". Do you think he's trying to send a message?

I'm not much of a country music fan, I mostly listen to jazz (and some R&B). But I heard a song I haven't heard in years, and it brought back so many memories of someone really special to me. The song is by Little Texas and it's called What Might Have Been. The first verses go like this:

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, I've moved on
So when you cross my mind

I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

It's such a pretty, sad song. On a happy note, I also spent 3 wonderful minutes driving 60 MPH down a two lane road (all by myself too!) with the windows wide open singing Blue Bayou by Linda Ronstadt at the top of my lungs. I'm going back someday, come what may to Blue Bayou.............

It's good to be home.

Well we're ready to go. Sort of. We're mostly packed and ready. I feel like I'm forgetting something but I guess we can always buy what we need when we get there. I'd really like to be in bed by 9:00 p.m., since I get the first leg of the drive. I still need to hit the tub and shave these legs, I'm embarrassed that I've gone out of the house with them as furry as they are.

Big thanks to Lucia for coming through and lending me her Land's End bag since mine bit the dust from the science project I was growing in it. I *swear* I have not packed one piece of fruit in your bag. And even bigger thanks to Lucia for vowing to never tell anyone how messy my house is, LOL.

And finally, before I say goodbye for the week, I want to wish a spectacular 30th birthday to my very best friend. I will, unfortunately, be away when she turns 30. This is fair though, since she had the audacity to leave me when I turned 30 for her *honeymoon* of all things. She did come through with a kickin birthday present though.....The George Foreman Fusion Grill (which I hounded her mercilessly for weeks, if not months before hand). Anyway, happy birthday girlfriend. I hope you have a wonderful day. Love ya Biggie!

I feel like I'm actually getting things done. I only have one load of laundry left. My dining room table is a mound of stuff we're lugging with us. I guess we're eating dinner outside tonight because there is NO way I'm moving all that stuff again. I also started my lists of clothes/items to bring. I have a list for each of us, plus a miscellaneous list. I love lists. They really appeal to the organized woman hiding inside of me.

I was at Target bright and early this morning and bought a TV/VCR combo for the car as well as a pack that slings over the seats and suspends it. And to my horror, I also bought a Wiggles video. Joey would easily watch television all day if I let him. He's into whatever character is hip at the moment. His first love was Momo (Elmo), then he went on to all the different ones. Right now he's really into Scooby-Doo. Lauren is a completely different story. She could care less (couldn't care less?) about television or characters. But we recently got the Disney channel, and she is mesmerized by the Wiggles. I think I may go out of my mind if I hear "Hot Potato" one more time, but I guess I'll live. Am I a bad mother because I am really hoping the TV hypnotizes my kids on the way down? It's just SUCH a long trip, made longer by frequent potty, stretching and eating breaks. I was hoping this would help it a bit. I also bought new crayons, sticker books, coloring books and some new spill proof bubble containers. Tomorrow I need to go shopping for the snacks we'll bring with us. I was talking to my MIL before, and to my surprise she offered to come play with the kids while I go to the grocery store. She must want something....this is very unlike her.

I have realized that there are two drawbacks to long nails...one, I poke myself in the eye trying to get my contacts in. And the other, I am scratching the daylights out of my kids (by accident of course). I would love to post a picture of my lovely nails (I'm so proud!), but my &**$&#^# digital camera decided that the WEEK before vacation it would DIE on me. Which reminds me, I need to get my butt to the PO and mail it off to Olympus to be fixed.

I was down with a stomach bug and the most hellacious headache all day yesterday. Great timing, considering I have a thousand and three things to do before our trip. We're leaving early Saturday morning, probably along the lines of 3:00 a.m. or so. Our family friend came to pick up my minivan this morning and take it to the dealership he works at. They're going to fix a belt and change the oil/check the tires. He left me a loaner car but I'm thinking I should just stay parked at home today and do the things around here that need doing.

I had really wanted to buy Bob a new driver before our trip. He's going golfing with my step-dad a few times while we're away. He was talking about how crappy his is, and how he'd love to get a different one. This is something that he would just never spend the money on himself for, so I thought it would be a really nice surprise to buy him one. I e-mailed my BIL to ask him about what kind he has and what I need to know (right handed, etc). His response was like a 3 page e-mail on the different manufacturer's/shaft materials/cost, etc. Apparently I didn't realize that there are like 600 different options out there. And a new, really good driver can go for as much as $500. That's just a wee bit more than I was willing to spend, LOL. I could easily get one for around $200 (phew!), but again, there are so many different options that it makes it a bad gift to surprise someone with. He ended the e-mail with, "I would hate for you to buy Bob a nice driver and him not use it because he can't get accustomed to it". Alrighty then, I guess Bob isn't getting a driver before we go away.

My engagement ring has been missing for about three months. I haven't panicked, because I knew it was in the house somewhere. Bob got upset though, so I finally started to look for it more actively. I started to get upset because I wasn't able to find it. I started to think maybe it had gotten thrown out with something or vacuumed up. Something possessed me this morning to look under my bed, and as I did I closed my eyes and offered up a brief prayer that it would be under there. Well it was! I'm so happy and thankful, and Bob is happy too. I really need to get a jewelry box, not that I have tons and tons 'o jewels, but it would be nice if what I did have had a home.

And finally, because I can't seem to stop talking about the babies....the babies have left the building! I'm choosing to believe that they were finally able to fly away and not that something crawled in there and ate them. Cause that would be gross. And heartbreaking.

So my sacroiliac joints are really inflamed. I'm supposed to ice it a lot, but it's just not that easy! It feels a whole lot better than it did yesterday, but that's not saying much. I'm going back on Wednesday and hopefully will feel better before I park my ass in the car for the 12 hour trip to North Carolina over the weekend.

I really hate to keep talking about these birds, but I have to. We peeked in on them again today to make sure they're doing ok. We only do it when the mama isn't around and we don't disturb anything. We peek in with the flashlight. Well today only 2 of the babies were visible. So we lifted the aluminum cover over them and we only saw the 2. The nest was completely rearranged. It's a really large nest, so I guess the little one could have been under the nest somewhere. But my gut is telling me he's dead. I wonder if they rearranged the nest to burry him. I really hope I'm wrong. I feel like I'm obsessed about these birds. I don't even really like birds, but I am a real softy when it comes to creatures, especially little ones that I feel responsible for.

I have the mother of all backaches. I am calling my chiropractor's office first thing in the morning and I'm going to beg them to take me immediately. I haven't been to see Dr. C in a while, I usually only go when I'm in dire need. I'm in dire need. I love going. He's pleasant to look at, he smells phenomenal, my children love him and I usually walk out feeling a whole lot better than when I went in. Plus he's a homebirthing, non-vax'ing, pro-breastfeeding, natural kind of guy and in my town, he's a rare breed.

I think it's all Lucia's fault (love ya!), but I have been thinking about reconnecting with people. I was playing around classmates.com the other day (I joined in November because I wanted to reconnect with someone I went to highschool with, and I did). I don't know what posessed me, but I e-mailed my step-brother. I won't even begin to get into THAT side of the family, because it's just as twisted as my "real" family.

Anyway, I was SO surprised to get a response back from him. The last time I saw him I was about 12 or 13 so he must have been 14 or 15. I had a very priviledged childhood during the time my mom was married to his dad. His dad was very wealthy, and we had a weekend home in the Catskills which is when I saw him (and my other step-brother). I have lots of fond memories of the three of us playing together. We lived on a dead end that was about 3 miles long, and there was about six houses on it total. We had 40 acres of land and all three of us had our own horses. The house we lived in was a beautiful 250 year old farmhouse in the middle of a valley. I was a real tomboy so I fit in well with the two of them.

Anyway, they eventually divorced and I didn't have any contact with them. I called my younger brother when I was 16 and talked to him for a long time. But he was told by my older brother that he shouldn't have anything to do with me.

So I was pretty surprised when I actually got a response back, and a pleasant one. And it seems like my step-brother hasn't had much contact with my step-dad in about 20 years. Doesn't surprise me, the man was an ass. I have horrible memories of that man. I can honestly say I don't have one good memory of him.

It was nice to hear from Bobby. He's very successful, has a one year old son and a 10 year old step-daughter. He lives not too far from me in a wealthy neighborhood. He shared some pictures and it was so odd. In my mind he's still 14 and in grubby jeans leading a horse....not this executive with glasses who'll be turning 35 this year.

It was a pleasant surprise, and it has been nice thinking about the fun times we shared.

I'm heading for bed, so I'm not checking for typos!

This weather really sucks. All I want to do is sleep. We went to a lovely birthday party today and I came home and immediately put on sweat pants and a t-shirt. I am so comfy, and can hear my bed singing a siren song drawing me to it. I can't wait for these little ones to fall asleep. They had lots of fun playing at the party, so I'm sure they'll be ready soon.

I'm also worn out from the noise. God bless them, but my son and my husband are two of the loudest people I know. My husband will be talking to me at the level of a shout when I'm standing not more than two feet from him. You get him and my MIL together in the same room, forget it....they could shatter eardrums. And unfortunately Joey has picked it up, though I'm certain that a lot of his voice level is due to the SID. He just doesn't realize HOW loud he is. His normal speaking tone is loud, and if he's excited/mad/upset/crying it's raised to the level of a shriek. I honestly don't know how I deal with it, because I am a SID kid all grown up, and noise is my issue (well, ONE of my issues, LOL). DH refuses to go to the movies with me because if there is someone there chewing their popcorn too loud, or crinkling Twizzler wrappers, it makes me INSANE. I cannot focus on the movie because all I can hear is the chewing. It gets to the point where I usually get up and move. And these are little noises, nothing like the noise DH and Joey create. I know I should be thankful that DH will load/unload the dishwasher, but he bangs those dishes so hard and creates the biggest racket. It's unbelievable. There are some nights that I *HAVE* to leave the house because they get so loud and I feel like my head is going to explode. I have tried using inside voice with Joey without much success (hmmm....maybe I should try it on DH, LOL!). There is a certain type of audio therapy we can try with Joey at OT but his therapist isn't really familiar with it. I think I may have her try something anyway.

Needless to say, I'm very thankful that Lauren seems to take after me!!!

Rain, rain go away. How depressing.

I'm supposed to be cleaning. Bob decided that since he was home we would clean our closet. Somehow the entire house looks like a tornado has blown through it though now. He left to take Joey to OT (and Joey was thrilled, this is the first time Bob has been home to take him) and then took him to see Scooby Doo. They aren't home yet. I was supposed to have made some progress but it's really not happening. Lauren has been velcroed to me again so I finally just put her in the sling hoping to get some stuff done, but it didn't happen. I sat down and nursed her. I kept asking her if I could take her out and she could play and she kept saying, "no mommy". She finally, after about an hour, wanted out and I managed to get a few things done. But instead of plugging away at it, I sat down again and here I am. I'm starving, and I need to get to the grocery store. We have friends coming over for homemade pizza tonight and I need to buy the ingredients and then come home to finish up this mess. I don't think it's ever going to be clean.

And I don't know what it is with the birds lately after yesterday's fiasco, but Bob was up in the attic before and he found out that one of the little finches had apparently found a way to get into our attic. He was dead in Lauren's exersaucer. YUCK. We were both really upset that we never heard him or anything. Even the Beez never let on that there was something flapping around up there. I really hope the three babies in our bushes make it. Bob fashioned a pup tent looking fixture over the box and nestled the box deep in the bushes....I hope they are safe and dry in there. At least the mommies know where they are. I am so done with birds now. At least we know our house will be bird proof from now on, cause I don't think I can take any more of this.

On the bright side, I am feeling much more human today, despite the crappy weather.

Wow, I'm in rare form today. I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be left alone. And I told off one of my friends today, though he really deserved it. He has been so self-centered lately. I told him about the Mook and I got ZERO response from him about it, though he did reply to something else I said which wasn't very meaningful. WTF is that about?

Bob keeps trying to talk to engage me in conversation and even though I point blank told him I wasn't much up for conversation, he STILL KEEPS TALKING TO ME. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. I don't know whether it's lack of sleep, maybe I'm coming down with the cold Bob and Lauren have, or maybe it's that today is my niece's 5th birthday (the one my sister gave up). Or maybe it's none of those things and it is something else. I'm just in a foul mood and want to be left alone with my heaps and heaps of laundry. Why does it seem like laundry just grows and grows and you're never truly done with it?

I would take a nap (like the kids are trying to do), but Bob is outside nailing up siding so it's not like it's particularly quiet around here. But maybe if I fell asleep I could wake up and actually be human.

Happy 1st birthday to a certain sweet, blonde blue-eyed baby girl and happy birthing day to her mama. I love you both! Gogaly, gogaly, gogaly!!!!!!!!!

We adopted our dog almost 9 years ago from a local animal shelter. Even though I was the one who pushed to adopt him, and eventually loved and fed and walked him, he wound up Bob's dog. He was just attached to Bob. He loves me, but not with the same adoration Bob gets. I wanted something that was *mine* and all mine. So one day while Bob was at work, I responded to an ad from a local veterinarian and adopted a 5 week old kitten whose mother had been killed. I named him Mookie, and he was mine. Bob came home from work that day and I said, "Do you love me?". He knew immediately and sighed and said, "where is it?". The Mook was so sweet and confused. He thought our dog was his mother, and he would latch on to our dog's nipples and nurse from him.

He was definitely my cat. He much preferred women to men and was a real lovey of a cat. He loved to climb up on me when I was sleeping. He was always near me. When I got pregnant with Joey he seemed to know it and was even more attracted to me. He couldn't get enough of being near me. He was my baby.

But Joey came and Mookie didn't get nearly the attention he used to. He started to act out, first by damaging Bob's things. He would eat the buttons off his shirts, chew his shoe laces off. Eventually he started to pee on Bob's dirty clothes if he was careless and didn't put them in the hamper. Then I got pregnant with Lauren and he got really bad. He started peeing on my things, the floor and finally our furniture. I loved him, but I could not tolerate that.

I knew we needed to find him a home with people who could pay loads of attention to him. We started putting out the word and asked one of our friends to mention it to his customers in his deli. He went home and talked to his wife, and they decided they would take him. I was so happy he was going to a happy home with people who are real cat lovers (you know, the crazy cat lover type). I cried for weeks because I missed him, though in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do. He needed attention he just wasn't getting in our home. He never once peed in their house and adjusted really quickly. He became Sue's cat, Mookie liked John, but he loved Sue. I visited him several times but he was happy where he was and pretty much wanted nothing to do with me. I felt good knowing he was happy.

John called Bob today to tell us they had to put Mookie to sleep. He was losing weight rapidly (and he was one fat cat to begin with) so they had brought him in. They found a huge tumor, and it was cancerous. They tried some medication but he continued to deteriorate. So they made the decision to put him down.

I didn't cry when Bob told me, I don't know why but I didn't want him to see me get upset. I am crying now though. I loved that cat. He was mine. He was the first thing I ever had that I felt was truly mine. I'm glad I gave him to John and Sue. He deserved more than he was getting with us at the time and I know he was happy there with them. They treated him like a baby and he deserved it. I'm just so sorry he got sick. And I'm sorry for Sue and John, I know how upset they are.

What a long, busy weekend. It was fun though.

We're leaving for Ocean Isle, North Carolina in less than two weeks. We're meeting my mom, step-dad and his daughter, her husband and their daughter there. We're staying in a gorgeous canal home. We stayed there when Joey was six months old. The house was brand new then, but we only got to enjoy it for 2 days before Hurricane Bonnie forced us to evacuate. Hopefully we'll get to spend the entire week there this time. The house is just beautiful. It looks like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. The interior is beautifully decorated, and it's very large. There is a porch on the front of the home (streetside) with rocking chairs. On the back of the house, there are two porches. One is a screened in porch with a table and chairs, and the other open porch also has rocking chairs. The dock is on the back of the house, and my mom and SD will be towing their boat to the beach. The boat is something else too. It sleeps six, has a kitchen, bathroom w/shower, etc. They just pulled it out of the lake this weekend to prep it for the trip. I'm getting really excited about going now. Here's a pic of the house.

Well it's been 2 months since I last heard from my sister, so I'm guessing she's not talking to me again. I don't think I can take much more of this. Come to think of it, I haven't heard from my father either in over a month.

When my sister was 21, she got pregnant right before I got married. I was trying to plan my wedding and at the same time trying to care for her. The baby's father was/is a skinhead. He's a racist, but even scarier than that, he's an intelligent racist. He's now a college professor.

My sister wasn't sure what she was going to do. At first she wanted to abort the baby. I'm not sure where I stand on abortion. I just know that *I* couldn't do it. But I supported her decision and because I care about her, looked into places that she could have it done. Planned on paying for it myself too, which I really struggled with.

Shortly after my wedding my sister decided that she was going to have the baby and put it up for adoption. At this point she needed to finally tell my father and her mother, but she was really scared how they would react. So I told them. Bob came with us just in case my dad got out of hand (or to scare my father into staying non-physical). My sister's bags were packed upstairs and if it hadn't of gone well she would have come to live with Bob and I. Her parents took it remarkably well and all was well.

Bob and I wanted her to know that she had other options. We talked long and hard about adopting her baby ourselves. She didn't want to do that. We told her if she wanted to, she could live with us and we'd help her to raise the baby. She didn't want to do that either. At that point I realized I needed to respect her decision and deal with the fact that I wouldn't know my niece or nephew. This was incredibly difficult, as I grew up longing for family. To think that I'd have flesh and blood out there and never know them was overwhelming. But I admired my sister for continuing with the pregnancy and giving this baby a chance.

I did what I could to support my sister, as much as she'd allow me to do. I found out I was pregnant with Joey the first week of June, 1997. I told my sister as soon as I found out, because I didn't want her to think I was hiding things from her. I was very reserved when I told her and did not tell her with the joy that we told other people. She really didn't react at all.

My niece was born the following week. My sister never called to tell me she was in labor. My father called me the next day. I went to see her in the hospital and I can't even begin to describe just how rude she was to me. I felt like she had slapped me in the face. At this point everyone, the baby's father, his parents, my father and her mother all begged her to keep the baby. I think this was the first time she ever felt like she had control over people, and she said absolutely not. She convinced the baby's father to sign the papers. I held my niece for about 5 minutes (holy tears batman, I didn't realize how much this still hurts) and then turned her back over to my father and left. My sister had been downright nasty to me and with the hormones from the pregnancy, it was more than I could take. I left there and sobbed for a long time. I kept thinking about how that was my one shot to know my niece. That would probably be the only time I ever laid eyes on her.

About a month later I called to talk to my father and she answered the phone. She asked me if I was mad at her and I told her I was. I told her how I felt like I had tried to do everything I could for her, and how the way she treated me was like a slap in the face. She apologized to me and said that I didn't understand how hard it was for her. She's right, I didn't understand how hard it was. I couldn't imagine ever giving up one of my children. I could only imagine, but I *did* imagine. I think I was very sensitive to what she was going through. I had to remind her that she wasn't the only one who this had affected. It affected all of us. I had a niece that I was never going to know. Anyway, we made peace, or so I thought. Except I never heard from her again. I was always the one who had to pick up the phone to call her, I was always making the effort and never getting anything back. And I was just tired of it.

Two months later my father told me that my sister had gone nuts and was doing things to hurt herself. She had shaved her waist length hair completely off and was bald. It had finally hit her that she had given up her child to spite people, and it hit her hard. They got her in to therapy and put her on medication.

The next month my father was supposed to come over for dinner, and he never did. It's a huge long mess of a story, but suffice it to say I didn't hear from him until the day I got home from the hospital after delivering Joey. I e-mailed him to tell him he was a grandfather and the next day he showed up at my house. He saw Joey only a few times. Joey's Christening was in June of 1998. My father came, and that was the last I heard from him until this past September. He had disappeared on me again. It was over 3 years. Last June I mailed my father an envelope with a not so nice letter in it as well as all the kids major pictures, etc. I also informed him he had a granddaughter who was almost one. I didn't hear anything for a few months, until he sent me a not so nice letter which blamed me for him disappearing. It also included pictures of my then 2 year old nephew.

Yes, my sister had gotten pregnant the year after she had my niece. Different father. She kept this baby. I think she was trying to make up for what she had done, and in her twisted way this was the way to do it.

Anyway, I (sort of) made peace with my father. And I made the decision to stop being stubborn and call my sister. I wanted to know my nephew. She and I made peace very quickly. She apologized up and down and said she had been wrong. She had been angry at me because I had told her I was pregnant at the time she had my niece (she never told me this though). After awhile she realized WHY I had told her, but she didn't know how to reach out and say she was sorry. I apologized for not being the one to call but I explained to her about how I felt about carrying our relationship. She completely understood.

All was well with her. I met my nephew, she and I reformed our relationship. It hasn't been easy. My sister is really troubled and I think she is manic depressive. She also told me she wanted to have another baby (she has no job, no boyfriend, no money and lives in her parents house. oh, and she hates my father) and there was never going to be a good time so she thought she should just do it anyway. And then in the next breath complain about how she has to get out of their house. My children adore her. She has grown a lot, and she is wonderful with children.

Anyway, two months ago she was supposed to watch Joey for me while I went to the LLL conference with Lauren. She backed out on me last minute, but I told her it was fine. I haven't heard from her since. I called her once since then, but who knows if my brother (he's a whole nother story) told her. My father went on vacation a month ago and told me he would call when he got home, and I haven't heard from him either.

I don't know how to feel. I feel like he's doing it to me for a third time (disappearing), and he knows I won't tolerate it again, because now my children are old enough to know and it affects THEM and not just me. So he knew if he did it again that there would be no more chances. As for my sister, it is honestly much easier when she's not in my life (my dad too). They're all just so troubled, and it makes my life stressful because I worry about them. But I refuse to be the one to be giving everything and getting nothing in return.

I'm sorry, this whole post is probably really disjointed. Some of it probably doesn't make sense either since the story is more involved but I needed to cut some of it or I would be writing forever. It would be easy for me to pick up the phone and not let this happen, but I kind of feel like if they don't care, why should I?

I'm starting to feel the bug again....I've been lurking on the Weight Watcher's Food Talk board, writing down new recipes. Yesterday I actually went into the basement and brought up the case of bottled water we had down there. And today I actually *drank* two of those bottles (and according to WW have met my water intake for the day). And {gasp}, I have contemplated getting on my treadmill. Haven't actually done it yet, but I've thought about it for two days now so I think it's coming. Wish me luck.

Now I remember why I hate the freaking DMV. I went this morning to get our new minivan inspected. When I pulled in the sign indicated a 15 minute wait. Wonderful! I deliberately went at 10:00 a.m. in the middle of the week figuring that would be the best time. This was going to be a piece of cake. I packed snacks, drinks and brought toys, but wouldn't need them! Well the sign lied. I waited 40 minutes just to get up to the entrance. At which point I sat there for an additional 10 minutes watching the three men inside joke around, high five each other and just plain carry on. While I sat there and steamed because by this point we'd been waiting almost an hour and the kids wanted out. So when they finally waved me through, I was barely civil to the man. Yes I can be really passive-aggressive....UNTIL..........HE FREAKING FAILED ME. At which point I lost it. Because he didn't fail me for emissions, or for bad tires, or even a non-working blinker for that matter. He failed me because my passenger side mirror wasn't on as tightly as the driver side mirror. Oh no, it wasn't broke. Or dangling off. It just wasn't as tight as the other one. At this point I went ape-shit. I had had it from sitting there way longer than necessary. I asked him why he failed me if it wasn't broken. His response, "It's not as tight as the other one". I yelled, "You've got to be shitting me?" (note to self: When Joey repeats this do NOT wonder where in the world he got it from). He slapped the big honkin huge REJECTED sticker on it and sent me on my merry way. I pulled out, and then pulled over to call DH to tell him. He wasn't there, so I sat there for a minute and stewed. And then I realized that this man had failed me for no good reason, and I wasn't about to go have a mirror FIXED that wasn't BROKEN in the first place and have to go back and wait all over again. So I went into the office and very calmly told them that I was unjustly failed (LOL) and I wanted someone else to look at it. To end this very long story, they agreed I should not have failed, brought me back around and put a nice lovely sticker on it. And I really enjoyed watching the guy who failed me see that I had gotten it reversed. I am now counting my blessings that I don't have to go back for two more years.

Being there reminded me of right before Joey was born. I had taken my car to be inspected on a Friday, and was due to be induced on Tuesday. I failed because I had a chunk missing on my tire, and it really was a danger. I had 45 days to get it fixed and return. Well DH replaced the tire that day, but he didn't intend to take it back for the reinspection until after I had the baby. For some reason, I went into hysterics. I just couldn't bring the baby home in a car with a big red FAILED sticker on it. I was really horrified that he wanted to bring home our baby in a car that had a failed inspection sticker on it. So DH was there bright and early on Monday to have it reinspected. It gave me a good laugh to think back on how silly I was.

The situation with my grandmother has been resolved, at least on my part. I had decided that I was going to tell my mom to ask my cousin if she'd stay with her, and if that didn't work out then I would do it. But I got an unexpected phone call this morning. Joey has been on the waiting list for speech therapy since early December. They called this morning to let me know a spot had opened up (at the most inconvenient time, argh!!!) and he'd be starting next week. If I don't take this opening, she said it would probably be at least another two months before he gets in. My insurance will only cover 60 visits in 60 consecutive days (basically it's designed for stroke patients, etc.), so basically he'll only get 8 visits over the next 60 days. We'll already be missing one session for vacation, which can't be tacked on at the end. We've been waiting so long that I really don't want him missing two of the eight sessions. I hope to grieve this with the insurance company so they'll pay for what he needs, but I think I'm in for a fight.

So I told my mom and she completely understood. At the moment they're planning on my cousin's husband's sister (my family is WHACKED) staying with her, but that's not an ideal situation either. I'm relieved though. I wasn't looking forward to being away from home for two weeks.

I watched my niece today for a few hours. She's 10 weeks older than Lauren. I am glad I don't have twins!!! And I've been wishing she would learn my name...she's been calling me (and everyone else, including her father) Mommy. Well I am now, "Nay". I heard it over and over and over and over again this afternoon, LOL.

Wow, I am really tired. Bone tired. I think I have figured out that when I get my period, I feel even worse than I normally do. I am so tired I can't see straight, and I just generally don't feel well. I really wonder if I am anemic. I tried Instead this cycle. I cannot get my Keeper to work, tampons are no longer an option and I really hate pads. I got a few free samples of instead and thought I'd try them. No go. I think because of the degree of prolapse I have, that my vaginal walls are just shot. Anything that goes in is pushed right back down. It's very frustrating.

Besides for not feeling well, there's a family situation that's wearing on me. We are leaving in 3 weeks to meet my mother, step-dad, step-sis, step-BIL and step-niece in North Carolina for vacation. We're driving down. My grandmother lives with my cousin, and they are going to be going camping the week after we get home. My grandmother really can't be left alone, and she really can't go camping either. My mom can't take more time off of work. My step-dad is retired, but does work part-time, but is also home for the summer right now. He will be there, but there are just some things that my grandmother may need that he just isn't the person to do.

So mom called yesterday to ask me if I'd be willing to help out. She was thinking that Bob and I can drive 5 1/2 hours back to their house in South Carolina after the vacation. They will buy Bob a plane ticket, and Bob can fly home on that Sunday to go back to work. I can be there to watch my grandma during the day while my mom is at work. Bob can fly back the following weekend and we can all drive home.

I DON'T want to do it because I have a hard time leaving home for a week, let alone two. I'm worried about how the kids will be too. They'll just be adjusting to the beach, when we drive to my mom's and they have to get used to sleeping in another place that's not theirs. This puts an additional 5 1/2 hour trip on our itinerary (plus a 1400 mile roundtrip flight for Bob) in addition to the two 13-14 hour trips we have to make to get there and back. And this will be hard work, my gram needs help with just about everything now (more on this in a minute). I think my biggest concern would be my SD. While I know he'll be home, I doubt I would be able to count on much in the way of help from him. He's a truly wonderful man, but I keep my visits there to 4 days for a reason....he's not really used to children (my step-niece is not his own grandchild, but his daughter's step-daughter...sheesh, are ya following me?). Nothing is ever said, but I can usually tell when he's ready for us to leave. This past visit in April was different (I'm sure because Joey's behavior is much improved with OT), but this is TWO WEEKS. Plus we'd be away from Bob for 4th of July, and we really enjoy it (this isn't such a big deal though, but I did think it). And I'd also have to miss a certain smiley-faced chubby baby's blessing. :o(

Now my mom did say that she could ask my other cousin if she'd stay with my gram and she'd pay her. I'm sure it would be cheaper than the plane ticket she'd have to buy for Bob. But there's a whole nother story to this cousin..........so I'm not sure that's the best thing either.

Now back to my gram. I would do anything for her. My mom was telling me that I might have to help her in the bathroom, clean up messes, whatever. It is not a big deal to me. Actually that doesn't even concern me, I would do whatever needed to be done for her, and I'd do it gladly. My concerns are purely selfish, I'm thinking about me and about my family, and I feel terrible. I feel like I should have just said yes immediately. But I just can't imagine being away from home for that long and just killing the kid's routine. Lauren just started sleeping through the night, I have no desire to mess with that, LOL! I just feel bad, and feel torn. I feel like because I love this woman so dearly I should have just said yes right off that bat and I shouldn't even be considering myself or my kids. But I am. What would YOU do?

OK..............so DH worked most of the weekend. He worked all night on Friday night until Saturday afternoon (after working all day Friday too). He worked 16 hours on Sunday. We did manage to go to his brother's for a BBQ on Saturday afternoon. Since Bob knew I wouldn't let him drive since he hadn't slept since Thursday night, he took advantage of the situation and had a couple too many beers. I have seen Bob rip roaring drunk ONCE, and seen him tipsy maybe 3 times in the 12 years I've known him. Don't get me wrong, he does drink (has a passion for dark beer) but he just never appears drunk or even buzzed. Well boy howdy was he. It was pretty amusing. And yet he was up at 5:30 the next morning to go to work. He's incredible. He's one of those annoying people who can get by on 4 hours sleep and still be cheerful. Sometimes I want to shoot him. Except he always brings me my coffee in the morning, so I couldn't do away with him.....I need my java.