I really love warm weather. The days seem so much nicer, the kids seem more behaved and nightime is wonderful because everyone is so pooped.

We left the house this morning at 10:00 a.m. and didn't get home for good till almost 4:00 p.m. Joey had an OT appointment this morning (and he's now officially only going twice a month, wahoo!!!!!!!). After OT I was on a mission to find a comfortable bra (more on this later). We went to the mall and had lunch before we shopped. Didn't want hungry cranky kidlings. After that I looked for bras in Sears and found out that they basically didn't carry anything in my size. I was really disappointed because it suddenly struck me how uncomfortable I was and I needed to fix it NOW. So we left and as I was driving home I decided to try another place. We stopped home so I could let the Beez out and nurse Lauren. Got back in the car and drove to a place that specializes in bras/bathing suits. They even do alterations. Found one nursing bra, and one regular bra. And spent $70. On two bras. Two. Just two. Obviously I need to get in the bra business. Thankfully the kids had slept on the way to the bra place, and when we left there I decided to go grocery shopping. We pulled into the driveway right as DH was getting home from work.

Bras. Can't live with them, can't live without them. I've been squeezing into Playtex Expectant Moments (or something like that) 42DD (the largest size they make) bras forever now. I have yet to find a nursing bra that I am really comfortable in besides for this one. Except these don't actually fit. But even with them not fitting, they were still more comfortable than the other ones I've tried. But today I realized just how uncomfortable I was and I had to do something. I literally couldn't stand to be in this bra another day. I tried on several bras and did buy a nursing bra in my size. It's not underwire so I don't know how much I'm going to love it, but it did seem comfortable so I'm hopeful. I actually wore it home because I could not bear to put the Playtex back on. I could almost hear my breasts sighing in relief at the feeling of release. My girls don't like being squoze, that's for sure.

I dream of being a 36C, and today I thought how wonderful it would be to be even smaller. A 34B sounds wonderful. I cannot stand these big huge torpedo boobs anymore. I really can't wait until the day I know for sure that we are done having babies, and I can schedule the reduction. I'm just so uncomfortable. I want little itty bitty breasts.

Be sure to scroll down, I was chatty today. I think I need to upgrade my version of Netscape. These pictures look funny to me when I view it in Netscape (I have the same problem viewing Larissa's blog, the picture sits on top of the text), and they appear fine in Explorer (although there's too much space from me trying to fix it so it looks right on my screen).

Hee hee hee. I love the Holy Grail.



href="http://people.hws.edu/colleenlogan/mphg.html" target="new">which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?
this quiz was made by colleen

Since I complained about DH yesterday, today I thought I'd show off how talented he is. Here's a snowy picture of the back of our house "before".


























And here's "after".



My backyard isn't usually that messy. OK, that was a lie. It always looks trashed like that. Anyhoo....DH put on a new roof (with my BIL), and has sided it by himself, put in the new back door (and last year he installed that sliding glass door, there was a window there before). I haven't taken a picture of the front yet because it isn't quite done. Oh, and he also removed the eaves (is that what it's called?) that made it a dutch colonial. He really does beautiful work.

My DH has this really annoying habit of saying inappropriate things. He's TOO honest at times. While we were at his parents last night his mom was showing me their bathroom which was just remodeled. The new shower doors were up and she asked me if I thought it was pretty. I agreed it was pretty. It *WAS* pretty. DH pipes in with, "Renee hates shower doors". ????? Why? Why is it necessary to tell her that? And it's not that I hate them, or that this one was ugly (it truly wasn't, it was beautifully etched), it's just that I prefer the look of shower curtains in my house. But it made his mom feel bad, I could tell. This is something that's fairly common with him, he always feels the need to give my opinions on things and I don't understand it!

Hmmmm....wasn't I just saying I wasn't going to complain about him anymore??? I'm not really complaining, it's just something I realized he does and it makes me uncomfortable. But while I'm on it, here's annoying trait #2.....

Bob will be talking to someone on the phone, say an old friend he doesn't talk to often. I'll happen to walk by and he'll say, "here, Renee wants to say hi" and he'll thrust the phone at me. This drives me insane, and he knows it, but I'm convinced he can't help himself. I am not a phone person to begin with, so to feel put on the spot and have to make small talk with someone I have no desire to talk to.....well it makes me nuts. The other day he was in his uncle's office (they work at the same company) and he called to ask me the children's clothing size. I gave him their sizes but he still put me on the spot by saying, "here you can talk to Uncle about it". There was nothing to talk about, Uncle needed the sizes, I gave them to Bob, no need for conversation. But I still had to do the "how are you, how are the kids, I heard cousin got a new car, how are the wedding plans, blah blah blah". I think it made his uncle feel uncomfortable too. I must find a way to get through to him that he needs to stop doing it. Or maybe I'm a bitch because I just don't like to make small talk, I dunno. Or maybe next time my grandma calls I can try the same tactics on him so he can listen to how they had boiled okra and collards for dinner..........

On a lighter note, I haven't bitten my nails in one week. That's seven days, count em, SEVEN. It's amazing...I actually have these white parts to my nails now. Maybe if they actually grow to a decent length I'll take a picture of them wearing my new diamond band DH gave me for our 5th anniversary in December. Exciting, huh?

I don't know what it is about Lauren, but it takes her all of two seconds to get filthy. I had this beautiful wardrobe of clothes for her for the summer and pretty soon every single item will be stained. And I bought so many sundresses and other pretty two piece outfits with pantaloons....*WHAT* was I thinking? She's a dirt magnet!

We took the kids to a small carnival tonight. It was so much fun watching them on the rides. I didn't know how Lauren would react but she loved it. She had such a funny look on her face. The kids had cotton candy and that was fun too. Afterwards we stopped by MIL & FIL's and sat out on their deck since it was so nice out. The kids had ice cream and we had a nice visit. And my MIL didn't say anything annoying. Bonus! Considering the amount of sugar the kids had this evening, I'm surprised they're actually sleeping and not running laps around the block.

I need to blog about my sister. I'm still trying to sort out my feelings right now though. But it's coming. Maybe it will help me to come to a decision.

Well I'm off to go watch the rest of Big Blue Planet. I'm such a geek. I love just about every show produced by TLC and the Discovery Channel. Nothing like a good documentary, LOL!

I should have known it was too good to be true. The Hallmark Channel shares the channel with religious programming. So the Hallmark Channel is on from 6:00 a.m. - 12:30 p.m., at which time the religious channel airs shows on Catholism. Until 9 freaking p.m. Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Joey's last day of school was today. I debated sending him, since he threw up last night, but I called my MIL and SIL to ask them what they'd do. They both said to let him go. He was fine all day yesterday. About 8:00 p.m. he went outside with Bob and Bob was rocking him on our new 3 seater covered porch swing. Joey fell asleep, and Bob continued to rock him until about 9:00 p.m. Joey woke up and told Bob he couldn't get comfortable and wanted to go lay down in his bed. Bob put him over his shoulder, Joey fell back asleep and Bob started to carry him in. He got to the living room and then Joey puked all down Bob's back (yea! for once I didn't get puked on!!!). I could tell he still didn't feel good, so I puke-proofed his room with towels and a bucket and layed down with him until he was asleep. Thankfully the rest of the night was uneventful.

He seemed better this morning. Not great, not terrible. He only threw up the one time, but he didn't ask to eat the millisecond he woke up and didn't ask for cereal, so I know he didn't feel quite right yet. I gave him some toast which he kept down, and then he started to play. I told him he was going to have to stay home and he was so disappointed. They were having a party today and he really wanted to go. So that's when I called the family and they suggested I let him go. So I told him that he could go, but to try not to eat too many treats, and I asked his teacher to pack up the goodies so he can enjoy them when he's feeling a little better. I'm glad he got to go. Hopefully we can get together with some of his friends over the summer.

One thing I realized last night....I'm a pretty good mom. I don't feel like it all the time. I feel like I'm way too impatient most days. I laid next to Joey and stroked his head until he fell asleep, his little hand holding my arm.....and I saw how beautiful and amazing he is....and I hope that one day when he's grown he's going to remember these times, times when he was sick and I was there making him feel better. He seemed so peaceful as he fell back asleep, I think because he knew I was right beside him.

Joey and I went to see Spirit yesterday afternoon while Lauren napped and we both really enjoyed it. I got teary eyed a few times, LOL. Ah, hormones, they're a wonderful thing. Joey loved spending time with just me and no little redhead tagging along. I think we need to make sure that he gets time alone with both Bob and I.

I did manage to get off my butt over the weekend and do some cleaning. I really need to keep on top of it. I feel so much better, a sense of peace if you will, when my house is clean. The order of my house really affects how I feel. If my house is in utter chaos, I kind of feel that way inside if that makes any sense.

We have such a busy summer ahead of us. Right now we've got something going on every weekend until mid July. It's insane!

Time for lunch. I need to go make some soup for the kids, wait for my midwife to call me back (they forgot to give her my message last week......grrrrrr) and I'm (im)patiently waiting for Northern Exposure at 2:00 p.m.!

I am enjoying some rare time to myself today. Bob took both kids to his sister's picnic and I just wasn't feeling up to going. Belly ache and all that. I really wanted him to leave Lauren home but he wanted to show her off so I said ok, as long as he promised not to be gone all day. I will still probably have about 3 hours to myself though. I wish I had the energy to clean, I mean really clean. I feel like my house never gets truly clean because there are usually two small tornadoes right behind me tearing things up in my wake. But instead of cleaning, here I am.

Bob and I watched two movies last night. Crazy/Beautiful which I didn't expect to like but really enjoyed, and Serendipity which I really expected to love but it was just kind of ok. But it starred John Cusack, so you won't hear any complaints from me about it. Looking at him for an hour and a half is not a bad way to spend an evening.

Lauren fell asleep nursing while we were watching Crazy/Beautiful and Bob wanted to hold her. He wound up falling asleep and here are my two sweeties:



































Aren't they cute? I'll never understand why Lauren's hair looks brown in pictures considering it's bright red. And do those pj's look familiar Kathy?

I managed to keep my compulsive behavior at bay since Friday night and I feel good. Don't know how long it will last, but I'm glad I was able to stop it. Damage is done, but I need to move on. I feel like I'm having a screaming match in my head though. It is so, so difficult because I want to do it so bad, and inside I'm screaming at myself not to do it.

And I found out something ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL today. I think reading this will have me in a good mood for days, LOL. I was searching eBay for the series set of Northern Exposure VHS or DVD. I loved this show, and up until this fall used to watch it in syndication on A&E. A&E dropped it in September, and I was really disappointed. Well the VHS sets are going for around $85 or so on eBay so I thought I'd try to find it elsewhere, possibly cheaper. I did a google search and stumbled upon a site which stated that Northern Exposure is now airing on the Hallmark Channel. Their guide says it's on at 2:00 p.m., which is during naptime, so I get to watch it again. Yippee!!! I think I'll start taping it too because only 11 episodes of the 110 or so that were aired are available on VHS. And I'm afraid it'll be pulled again! I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but it made me *really* happy!

My OCD is in full swing today. I keep trying to snap myself out of my compulsive behaviors but it's not working. And it manifests itself in a horrible way. I feel ugly and small. What a stark difference from yesterday. I'm not sure if it's the online drama. I feel terrible about what is going on, even though it has nothing to do with me. I feel terrible for everyone hurting. It could be the uneasiness I feel with my neighbors. It could be that a group of kids came by last night while we were home (but DH and I fell asleep VERY early), with the lights on, and kicked over all the new malibu lights Bob installed a few weeks ago. My next door neighbor (the one we like) was actually outside in her backyard and heard the commotion but didn't want to come any closer because her husband wasn't home. She didn't realize they were vandalizing our property or I'm sure she would have rang our doorbell as soon as they were gone. She said it was a group of boys and girls and they sounded young...no more than 14-15 years old.

I could kick myself because I'm usually up until quite late, and I would have heard them and gone outside and confronted them, and honestly I probably would have chased them down. But I fell asleep. And all I know is that if I had of been walking the streets at 9:30 p.m. on a school night at 14.......WELL THAT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!!! It just wasn't allowed in my house. And for kids to have such little respect for other people's property, and to show no fear to do it semi-early and with the lights on/cars in the driveway/knowing people are probably home.......it makes me fear for what kind of young adults they'll be.

I've just been in a really bad mood for the past several hours and I can't shake it. I did finally manage to tell Bob that I wasn't mad at him, or the kids, but asked him to please leave me alone and stop asking me questions, LOL. Leave me in peace in my crabbiness.

Oh, and while I'm totally digging the shape of my newly waxed eyebrows, I could *REALLY* do without the blistery rash on top and below each brow.

Doing the happy dance because I had such a wonderful day, spent some time at a spa and had a facial, etc. It was heavenly. Bob and I ordered take-out and ate after the kids fell asleep (which was early since neither napped today). I am pooped, and heading for bed.

Yea! I've got links, I've got links! And my archive is back! All is good in my little blog world. I can rest now.

Remind me to never again attempt to change my template on blogger. I needed a new look, as this blog hasn't really been about dieting/food/health at all. I didn't realize I would lose my comments and all that other jazz.......what a PITA. At least the comments are back, even if most of my archives seem to have disappeared. Sort of wish I could change the name too......but even still, it does describe how I feel.

Joey has been going to occupational therapy for Sensory Integration Dysfunction for about 5 months now. It has made a tremendous difference in our lives. He seems so much more in control of himself, and he is doing things he has never done before. He still has his moments, but they are more like normal four year old moments than anything else.

I can't tell you how proud I was when he jumped off my mom's deck over and over again a few weeks back. This is a child who was so fearful he wouldn't do so many things. He is doing so well that we are going to start cutting back on sessions. He'll be going every week for the next 2-3 weeks to work more on his gross motor skills, but after that he'll only be going twice a month. And from there we'll go down to once a month. I'm just so happy for him (and for us too TBH!). He seems like such a normal little guy now. I catch him sitting on top of our Little Tykes climber all the time. This is a huge deal, he basically hated his feet being off the ground so to be sitting on a little ledge 3 feet up in the air, well that's just BIG.

We still work a lot at home. I brush him every day. It seems to work wonders, and he will ask for it. We have about a gozillion Play-Doh sets that he loves and are great for him. The Fuzzy Pumper Barber shop is great because he has to press down really hard to get the hair to squish out. He also plays in the rice/split green pea (LOL) bin every other day or so. I bury objects in it and he closes his eyes and finds them with his hands. It's funny, because I can sit there for quite a while and just let the rice fall through my fingers. No wonder he likes it, it really *does* feel good!

He still has issues with his fingers (he bites the pads of his fingers till they're raw) but we started aggressively working on that and now he just bites his nails. I wish he didn't, but at least he's not hurting himself by eating his fingers raw. One thing at a time. His OT gave him a couple of pieces of Thera-tube, and it has done wonders. It doesn't look very pretty to see it hanging out of his mouth, but it is doing its job and satisfying his oral needs. She also gave him some really small fidget toys to keep his hands busy. Like I said, it seems to have worked. His fingers are almost healed now.

It has been wonderful to see other people noticing the changes in him too. My mother and step-dad were floored by the changes. I think my mom thought therapy was a bunch of hooey but she doesn't anymore. My MIL still thinks he had these dramatic changes because "he just needed time to mature". Whatever.

I'm just happy. Happy my boy feels so good about himself now.

I went to the movies by myself tonight. An hour and a half to myself was just what I needed to recharge my batteries. I came home to the dinner dishes done, both children bathed and sleeping, and a DH in the process of spackling our dining room. Life is good!

It was a toss-up between a mindless comedy or a suspense/drama flick. I chose the mindless comedy and went to see The New Guy. It was cute. Light and fluffy. I do, at some point, want to see Unfaithful, but I think I will either need to see it with a friend or wait till it comes on PPV or DVD. I'm a chicken and the music in the previews scared me so I don't think I could see it by myself.

But speaking of Unfaithful....I was in line to buy tickets and there was a man and woman in front of me. I recognized the woman at once as someone I used to work with. She and her manager were having an affair, and everyone knew about it. They used to fight like an old married couple in meetings. Anyway, it turned out that the man with her was him, so I guess they are still at it. But the funniest part? She walked up to the ticket agent and said, "Two for Unfaithful please!". I don't know, it struck me funny. So I immediately got on my cell to call Biggie B because I knew she was the only person who would understand WHY that amused me so much (considering she worked with them too). Not that I find adultery amusing, mind you.......

You know we can go days without our phone ringing. Months without our doorbell ringing. So why is it, that during the Survivor season finale, people must bother me? I had a guy ring my doorbell to *ask* permission to garbage pick an old door we had at the curb. Polite? Yes. Necessary? No. I actually said, "who are you and why are you ringing my doorbell during Survivor?". I said it with a laugh so he would know I was joking. Sort of.

And if that wasn't bad enough, a guy called during John's question insisting he needed to talk to my husband for directions because he needed to get to the job tomorrow. After a 3 minute conversation with this very confused man, it occurred to me to ask him whether he wanted Bob Sr. or Bob Jr. He wanted my father-in-law. By the time I hung up I had missed that part.

I wasn't as in to this season as the past ones. I never really fully get into it until about when they start forming the jury. But I enjoyed it anyway. The survivors clean up real nice too. Neleh looks really nice without stringy, greasy, ratty hair. Why is her name spelled Neleh and pronounced Nah-lee-a? How did they come up with that? It bugs me.

I am so thankful for my husband. There are many reasons why, but right now I'm thankful he's so damn handy. Yesterday afternoon we went and bought a new front door (it's so pretty!) and a new back door. The doors alone cost a small fortune. He worked till about 9:00 p.m. putting both new doors in. He mentioned that he wished he was doing this job for someone else, because he would have made $400 for around 4 hours of work (he does carpentry/roofing/siding on the side). I told him I was suprised it cost that much to install doors. I asked him how much a "real" door person would have charged to put the doors in, and he told me at least double that. He reminded me of when he did a side job for one of my old co-workers. The man had a quote from Anderson to install a sliding glass door. It was $1200 just to *install* the door (not included the cost of the door). Bob charged him $500.

I'm thankful he knows how to do all this stuff. He put a new roof on house a few weeks back, and is in the process of siding it. We have saved so much money by him doing it. I'm thankful he works so hard too. He works his regular job at the electric & gas company, does carpentry on the side and still comes home and works till dark (and sometimes later) on our house. And did I mention he does laundry, vaccuums, mops, pays the bills, gives baths, reads stories and countless other things?

If I complain about him again, someone kick me in the ass.

Took the kids to PA today to visit a friend. Had a nice visit and they slept most of the way home while I listened to a great 80's radio station that doesn't quite reach us up here. Sang my fool head off to Journey's Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin. Now if that song wasn't made for a striptease, I don't know what is.

I had all these thoughts in my head that I wanted to write about, and they are all escaping me.

Friday Five:

1. What shampoo do you use? Whatever is on sale. Usually Suave.

2. Do you use conditioner? What kind? Yes, a must. I use Salon Selectives Too Wet or something like that. It's the only thing that gets my tangles out.

3. When was the last time you got your hair cut? Bout 4 weeks ago.

4. What styling products do you use? Salon Selectives Mousse

5. What's your worst hair-related experience? I cannot say. Won't go there. I have issues w/my hair, LOL.

Blogger ate my post before. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

To sum up.

Made a yummy dinner.

Pint of cherry tomatoes, six cloves of fresh garlic, small bunch of basil (chopped), salt and pepper and olive oil. Saute the minced garlic in the olive oil, throw in the tomatoes, season with S&P, throw in the basil, saute for about 10 minutes (while the capellini cooks). Added freshly grated Locatelli parm. cheese. YUMMY.

Also bitched about how friends can complain that you never call or e-mail them, yet THEY don't call or e-mail YOU, so how, exactly, is that my fault? It was much longer before blogger ate it, but that's the jist.

Now I'm going to bed. I had a lady use Buy It Now on one of my items and then send me an e-mail saying she needed it ASAP for her grandson's birthday and wants it mailed tomorrow morning. That would be all fine and dandy, except she didn't ASK me first and I have plans to leave for Pennsylvania tomorrow morning to visit a friend. Guess I'll be stopping by the PO first. Wouldn't want to disappoint Jr. She also "hoped" my price included insurance, when my TOS specifcially state that it is optional and at the buyers expense. I told her so, and she said she'd PayPal it right away. I haven't received it yet, and I'd bet money that when I wake up I still won't have it. I hate buyers like this!

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you fab mamas. We had a nice, lazy day that included a 3 hour nap for all the H's. We wound up going to dinner last night though instead of Sunday night. I ate exactly what I wanted to, which was 2 (yes two!) Dr. Pepper's, boneless buffalo tenders, guiltless grill chicken platter (that dish kicks ass!) and their molten chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Bob ticked me off a little bit last night though. OK, he ticked me off a lot. We were having a conversation and all of a sudden it turned to "well why don't you jump on my band wagon" referring to his weight loss. So I snapped. If I do this, it's not going to be for anybody but me so he can get in line behind my mother, my doctor and everyone else who thinks I should lose weight. It also pissed me off because he's taking Hydroxycut, which is killing his appetite. Now he's still doing all the right things by eating less, eating healthier and exercising, but he has some freaking added help! And I'm not thrilled about him taking it. I have the bottle sitting in front of me and I'm going to do some surfing and see what I can find out about it.

I'm done venting. Today I made the potato chips recipe Nicke had posted a while back. They were yummy. I tried to find it but it's not in the archives. So here it is in a nutshell.

Heat your oven to 350. Line a baking sheet with foil. Using a vegetable peeler, peel a potato and create the "chips" with the peeler. Spray with cooking spray and sprinkle with salt (if desired, and I did desire!). Bake for 30 minutes.

Now Nicke said 30 minutes was way too long and it most certainly is. They were done in 10 minutes in my oven. If you follow WW it's 3 pts. for the serving.

Me as a blonde with short straight hair. Scary, no?



Link shamelessly stolen from Robyn at www.bitchypoo.com.

Go. Try it yourself. Let me see what you look like!

http://www.clairol.com/tios_2.jsp

href="http://shescrafty.bitchy.nu/quizzes/quizzes.html">Which Breakfast Clubber Are You? Find out @ She's
Crafty

Got this link from Larissa's blog. I've caved and joined the ranks of the online quiz people! It's me. Not so much the seriously smart part...but the socially inept part, LOL!

So Bob has lost quite a bit of weight. I'd say in the neighborhood of 25-30 lbs. I've started to notice, and last night I really noticed. He has such a handsome face, and he seems to have lost some of his weight from his face. Or maybe it's because he shaved off most of his goatee (down to almost nothing) and I could actually SEE his face. Either way, he was looking pretty hot last night.

While I'm thrilled for him that he's doing something he's wanted to do for years (he's been overweight since he was about 10), and I'm so happy he's on a healthier path......I'm jealous. I think that is what it boils down to. And I worry, which I know is foolish. But I worry that he's going to get to where he wants to be and realize he has a fat wife. And I don't know WHY I worry about these things, because I'm not going to love him MORE when he's thinner, and I know he won't love me LESS because I'm not...but I still worry.

I shouldn't be jealous though, because he's working hard to lose this weight. He runs on the treadmill every day, whether it's 5:00 a.m. before work or 11:30 p.m. after working 15 hours or so. He's not eating the Starbuck's Toffee Java chip I brought home, I had the honor all by myself. He's eating a lot more salad. Less portions. He's doing what he needs to do to lose the weight. It's not happening by magic. This isn't easier for him than it would be for me. The difference is he is choosing to do what needs to be done, and I'm not.

Holy foul mood Batman. I have no idea what is up with me. Hope it passes quickly.

I pulled out steak and catfish for dinner. Steak for me, fish for the kids and B. I don't eat sea creatures, yk? The weather is really nice, and I think I'm kind of pissy because we haven't done anything as a family in what seems like forever. Bob comes home and works on this house. I can't fault him, he's working like a madman and doing it all by himself. But it would be really nice to just throw Joey's bike in the van and head to the park and play for a little while. I think it annoys me too that he carves out time on Sunday morning to play softball...I think he should carve out and hour or two and take the kids somewhere. I'm done for today. I'm tired of listening to myself bitch.

I'll end on a positive note though. My mom just told me that she thinks she and my step-dad will come up for Lauren's b-day, which will be great. Oh, and Stanley Steemers is coming to clean my furniture today, sometime between 1:00 and 4:00 (as it's now nearing on 3:00 p.m.).....but come tonight my couch and chair won't look like crap. And that's a Good Thing.

I think I must be sending out some wierd vibe that is screaming, "mess with me" to the entire world. I thought it was just yesterday, after the lunatic chased me down in the car, threw stuff at my car and screamed obsceneties at me, then a different man screamed at me to "get the fuck out of his way" as I was pushing my little ones in a cart in the Home Depot parking lot. But no, it's carried over to today too.
All I wanted to do was to take Joey for a much needed haircut. SHE was waiting outside before I could even get in the door to get to one of the regulars. Remember the blonde chick from the Rocky movie, the tall blonde russian? Well just picture her and you come close to who we encountered today. Maybe not as big, but close, with the accent and all. She intimidated me before I even got in. So I let her cut Joey's hair (cause I was afraid she'd kick my ass if I said I wanted one of the guys to do it, LOL). I asked her to please give him a flat top (DH's request). First of all I couldn't understand a freaking word she said, PLUS she mumbled, but I did gather that she was not happy with my choice. So I didn't say anything. Until she said, "dis is not necessary". Well fuck me. I said, "EXCUSE ME?" and she mumbled again. I went off on her. All 5'2" of me against her 6 foot something. I told her we were leaving and started to take the cape off from his neck and she started apologizing up and down. I hate confrontation but I have had it. She asked us to please stay, so I did. And guess what? His flat top looks adorable.

I have eaten nothing but crap for the past two days (except I'd hardly call Starbuck's Java Toffee Chip crap, it's heavenly actually). But it's kind of funny, because my body was SCREAMING at me to eat something decent. I even have coke in the house (in the basement fridge so I'm not as tempted) and I couldn't even think about having one). My body was actually asking for water. So I had a big salad with artichokes and olives in it for lunch and a big glass of water. I think I almost heard my body thanking me.
I think my comments are working. Who's brave enough to try it out?

testing, testing.........

Testing

A little birdy told me that my comments aren't working (thank you little birdy!). Have to try and figure out what exactly is wrong with them.

Well today I got to see my old boyfriend. DH plays on the same softball team as him
(long story). They are friendly, and Joe (yes, his name is JOE and I did NOT name my son
after him, LOL!) and I still remain friendly too. He's married, has a one year old son. He's
a nice guy. All the other guys on the team are old friends from way back too.

And I just hate to see them. All I can think is that all THEY are thinking about is how fat I
am (because when we were all together, I was probably only 115 lbs....now I'm almost
200 lb.) I hate being so self-conscious (did I spell that right?). And I don't even know
WHY I think that. I'm sure they could all care less. J. gave me a peck on the cheek and a
hug and said hello since it's been several months since last season ended. I don't think
he's got an evil bone in his body that he'd even care, he just looked happy to see me
and then went and played the game. So why do I worry about this all the time?????
Why do I think that all people see when they look at me is that I'm fat? I'm a good
person. I think I'm a pretty good friend. I'm fun to be around (I am, damnit!). So why do
I think the way I do???? Is it because that's all I see about myself? I need to think about
this. I'm just proud that I actually *WENT* to the game, because I really did contemplate
not going because I'm fat.

It's been a long weekend. I was very ready for the kids to go to sleep since they didn't
nap. I put them in the tub because they were absolutely filthy and while I was washing
Joey's hair I heard Lauren's telltale grunting and there was nothing I could do...it was
already floating in the water. Sigh. My bathtub needed to be cleaned really good
anyway, so I'll look at the bright side!

Well today I got to see my old boyfriend. DH plays on the same softball team as him (long story). They are friendly, and Joe (yes, his name is JOE and I did NOT name my son after him, LOL!) and I still remain friendly too. He's married, has a one year old son. He's a nice guy. All the other guys on the team are old friends from way back too.

And I just hate to see them. All I can think is that all THEY are thinking about is how fat I am (because when we were all together, I was probably only 115 lbs....now I'm almost 200 lb.) I hate being so self-conscious (did I spell that right?). And I don't even know WHY I think that. I'm sure they could all care less. J. gave me a peck on the cheek and a hug and said hello since it's been several months since last season ended. I don't think he's got an evil bone in his body that he'd even care, he just looked happy to see me and then went and played the game. So why do I worry about this all the time????? Why do I think that all people see when they look at me is that I'm fat? I'm a good person. I think I'm a pretty good friend. I'm fun to be around (I am, damnit!). So why do I think the way I do???? Is it because that's all I see about myself? I need to think about this. I'm just proud that I actually *WENT* to the game, because I really did contemplate not going because I'm fat.

It's been a long weekend. I was very ready for the kids to go to sleep since they didn't nap. I put them in the tub because they were absolutely filthy and while I was washing Joey's hair I heard Lauren's telltale grunting and there was nothing I could do...it was already floating in the water. Sigh. My bathtub needed to be cleaned really good anyway, so I'll look at the bright side!

What a day. We left home around 9:30 and just got home a few minutes ago. Went to two garage sales, took Joey to Occupational Therapy and then dropped the kids off at MIL's so I could go to the dermatologist. Where I waited well over an hour just for him to grace me with two minutes of his time. Argh. He quickly wrote two prescriptions for rosacea, told me to be tested for Lupus (huh????) and ran out the door. I picked the kids back up and took a long drive to a tiny little store that sells Harmony Kingdom (one of the few in Jersey) and picked out something for my mom. Drove home and here we are. A tired, cranky mommy and two tired, cranky kids (who napped all of 20 minutes today).

Since I didn't eat breakfast, and had a kickin headache by the time I left the derms. office, I stopped by Burger King for lunch. I didn't want to do it (yes I did), but I was starving since it was after 1:00 p.m. already. I need to plan better. I need to make an effort to eat breakfast.

DH suggested ordering pizza or something for dinner, but I had pulled out boneless pork chops for dinner and since I didn't exactly have a healthy lunch, I told him I'd rather just eat them. They're slightly healthier than pizza. The other white meat you know! Here's what they're marinating in. Very yummy!
You can marinate a whole roast in this too, but I'm doing the chops. We grill them.

Juice of one lemon
2 tbsp. low sodium soy sauce
3 tbsp. teriyaki sauce
3 tsp. grated fresh ginger
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
3 garlic cloves, minced

Mix ingredients, pour over pork. Marinate at least 2 hours.

So I managed to stay in control today. Yea me! I still have to watch it because it seems like naptime through bedtime is when I am more likely to binge. Something about both kids sleeping that seems to trigger me wanting to eat.

I made the Krusteaz fat-free brownies today and they were good (makes 12 brownies at 3 pts. each). I'm going to have to freeze the rest or I'm afraid they won't last very long. I like them even better the next day when they're slightly stale. So they need to go away tonight!

Here's the recipe that we had for dinner. It was pretty good, and smelled really good cooking. Not exactly gourmet cooking, but it was easy and it tasted good. I don't even know the name of it!

1 package Stove Top Stuffing
1 can Campbell's Healthy Choice Cream of Mushroom Soup (could easily substitute cream of chicken)
1/2 cup water
4 boneless, skinless breasts.

Mix the first 3 ingredients. Add to the bottom of a crockpot. Lay the chicken breasts on top. Cover and cook 7 hours on low.

If you follow WW, it's 7 points per serving (and it makes 4 servings). I didn't feel like waiting for the breasts to defrost so I put them in frozen and it came out fine.

You know I wasn't always fat. As a toddler my mom called the doctor in a panic because I wouldn't eat. He asked her what sign I was and she told him I was a Libra. He told her that Libra's are notorious for not being able to make up their minds and I was probably confused by the choices on my plate. He suggested my mom put one thing on my plate at a time. So she'd give me meat first. Then potatoes. Then my veggies. And I ate happily. Unfortunately, when I eat now I still only eat one food at a time, LOL. And God forbid my food touches each other! I'm really partial to those plates with the dividers.

Throughout school I was usually one of the smallest kids in my class. The only time I ever gained weight was usually the summers when I'd go see my grandma in South Carolina. My grandmother was obese, and was a fat, plump grandma. She was also very nurturing, and one of the ways she showed people she loved them was by cooking for them. I always seemed to gain some weight when I went to see her, and my mom always promptly put me on a diet when I got home. You see, my mom was/is super thin. She's 5'10" and up until very recently probably only weighed 150 lbs. She never said but I think she was always aware of her weight because her own mother was so fat and she didn't want to be like that. And she sure didn't want me getting fat either.

Fast forward to about 21 or so....I had a boyfriend who cooked, and he taught me how to cook. We used to eat out several times a week. And not just fast food, we'd go to nice Italian restaurants and have appetizers, meals, dessert a few times a week! The weight pretty much piled on pretty rapidly. Two children and several years has just added to that.

Sometimes I really try to figure out WHY I'm like this. I want to blame someone. I know ultimately I'm responsible for me. Nobody is holding my mouth open forcing me to eat an entire box of chocolate eclair ice creams. I saw a therapist when Joey was very small and colicky and we got into a little bit about my past. Her theory, and I agree with it........my mom was just not very nurturing. She really couldn't be. If I was sick, I had to go to school. She was a single mom and couldn't afford to take off to be with me. She also held down three jobs at one point just so we could have a roof over us, food, the basics. I don't blame her for this, I love her for it. She did what she needed to do to make sure I had what I needed. My grandmother on the other hand was very nurturing. I could sneeze and she'd wrap me up in a big huge hug and baby me to death. {{{Side note....it was really difficult when she moved away to SC}}}. Anyway, the therapist's theory is that by overeating, I'm trying to nurture myself in ways I didn't really get when I younger. Interesting, and I sort of agree. I know I overeat for lots of reasons though, not just that. And one of them is I just plain enjoy food immensely. I love to shop for it, prepare it, cook it and eat it.

Have to cut this short (ha!). My dad will be here any minute. I need to mentally prepare........

Ugh. Do I try AGAIN? Knowing I will probably fail as I always do? Someone I know online has recently lost 30 lbs. in a short period of time (waves hi to D.!!!). I read her news while I was eating and I promptly lost my appetite. I did the, "what in God's name are you doing to yourself Renee?" as I ate my not so healthy lunch and drank my coke (which, while not diet, WAS caffeine free...I need to look at the positives). So..........I think I'm going to make this blog public to a few select friends......and a vow to update it every day, good or bad. I know it will be therapuetic for me.....and maybe knowing people will check to see how I'm doing will be a positive thing for me. And maybe knowing people might actually read it will help me to stay accountable. So.......welcome to my blog. I can't promise I won't whine a lot. I'm good at it you know!