I tried on a piece of lingerie today. It was stuffed in a draw, still had the tags on it, don't remember where I got it. It's a pretty red, high-cut thonged teddy. I tried it on just for a laugh, but honest to god, even as chubby as I am it didn't look so bad. 20 more pounds and it'll probably look good. I love the changes I'm seeing in my body. I love that my underwear fits the way it's supposed to. I love the fact that I don't own any jeans that are too tight. I love the fact that I have to go digging in my storage bins upstairs because I know I have a pair of khakis up there that will fit, and I can get rid of my way-too-big pair. I love the fact that we have a fantastic evening planned for next Saturday, we'll be seeing lots of our friends, and I'm not ashamed to go. I actually can't wait for them to see me. It doesn't even matter if they don't notice. I still feel so much better about myself than I did a few weeks ago. I'm not dreading seeing them and wondering if they think I got fatter, or dreading having to find something to wear...I love it!!! I also made plans to go out to dinner in April with two of my long-time friends...I have not told either of them that I have lost weight. They're going to be really surprised, and I just can't wait. I feel so good about myself.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to see the scales reflect the good week I had.

A big thank you to Toni for letting me know my Contact link didn't work. I think I've fixed it, so if you want the links to my before/current pics, let me know.

I was just cleaning up some of my files and found some pictures from October. And I compared them to the pictures we took recently of my new hair. You can see a difference in my face in the pictures. If you want to see before and....current pictures (I won't call them after pictures yet), use that contact button up there and e-mail me. I'll gladly share them. I just don't want to post pictures of me here...YET.

Holy visitors Batman. Don't think I've ever had so many hits in one day. If you've come looking for information, you won't find it here. It's none of my business. All I'm going to say is that I'm sorry for those who are hurting and I hope things can be worked out. And that's that. Now back to boring old me....

I went for my first workout today. The instructor went through the equipment with me. Once we completed the circuit, I thought to myself, "Wow! That really WAS quick and easy!". Until she told me that I still needed to go around two more times, LOL. I'm just not an exerciser. I'm not sure that I will ever enjoy it, though I have heard of people that love it once they finally get into it. I'm just pretty sure I'll never be one of those people! The instructor had the tiniest and tightest butt I've ever seen on a woman. You could have bounced quarters off of this bootie. I wonder where I can get one like that....

I'm giddy with anticipation for Saturday's cookfest. I can't wait.

I'm so sad. Godspeed Mr. Rogers.

I forgot to update about the midwife appointment. I really didn't care for her. When I met Linda, I felt an instant connection with her. I wasn't anywhere close with this one. She did and said several things I really didn't like. So I guess my search is still on.

She asked me if I had ever thought about having the gene testing for breast cancer (both my mom and gram have lost their breasts to cancer). I told her it's crossed my mind, but I've never given it serious consideration. Right now I feel like I'm doing everything in my power to minimize my risks...I'm getting down to a healthier weight, I'm eating healthier foods, and I'm still breastfeeding a 2 1/2 year old. If I had the genetic testing and they said it was likely I would develop breast cancer, what could I possibly do with that information? It would be like a ticking time bomb. Right now I know I'm doing all I can.

I joined Curves (ack! I still can't believe I did it). I was really looking foward to working out tonight, but silly me did not call to make an appointment so I couldn't. So tomorrow they will take me around and teach me how to use all the equipment before letting me go on my own. I plan on going three times a week and hopefully will be able to manage that with Bob's schedule. I just feel so wierd about it. Me, a gym member. Ha!

Our furniture finally arrived yesterday. I really love it. I think the style really matches our house and I love the warm color of the wood. We ate our first meal at the table tonight (our first sit down dinner since Feb. 11...we've been eating on the couch!) and it was great. I feel like such a midget sitting at the table though. We have a friend coming over for dinner Saturday, and I'm not sure what I'm more excited about...being able to sit everyone comfortably at the table, or cooking again. Really cooking. With butter and oil and all that good stuff. I think I'm going to make Lidia's Penne Ala Vodka and I plan on going to our friend's Italian place and picking up some homemade sausage. I think I'm also going to make some bruschetta and crostini as an appetizer. I normally wouldn't serve a tomato-based appetizer along with a tomato-based entree but I haven't had this kind of stuff in weeks and weeks and that's what I'm wanting...so I'm going to have some. I just plan on eating light for breakfast and dinner. And it helps that dinner will be on weigh-in day. I'll have all week to work it off.

Right now I'm sitting here wanting *something*. I still haven't eaten my minimum points today either. I could have a snack, which would bring me to my minimum, but I'm just not hungry. I don't know whether to give in to the urge to eat when I'm not hungry (and meet my minimum points) or to just ignore it and go to bed (the most likely scenario). I am hitting the sack early tonight, and plan on taking a little valerian to help it along. I have been kind of beat lately and tomorrow is going to be crazy so I'd like a good night's rest tonight. Now that I've said that, I've probably thrown the whammy on myself and one or both of my children will be up tonight!

I took my measurements today. Just out of curiousity. I wasn't planning on taking them until Saturday, but I couldn't wait. I only wish I had of taken my measurements the day I joined WW. But since week 4 I have lost over 2 inches in my waist, about 1 1/2 inches from my hips, 3/4" off my thighs and a whopping 2 1/2 inches off my bust, which gives me hope that some day I might have normal boobs. The only place I didn't lose inches was in these flabby arms of mine. Oh well.

I have an appointment with a new midwife today. No, I'm not pregnant (yet) and will not be until I lose a significant amount of weight. I just can't do it to my body. But I no longer have a midwife since Linda left last year and I wanted to find someone else. I've heard nothing but great things about her, but we'll see. I don't do well with change and I really loved Linda. It's going to be hard. I'm also really emotional lately, I keep tearing up for unexplained reasons. Maybe it's just time for a good cry, I dunno.

Holy chit. My friend just e-mailed me with our tax figures. We're getting a buttload of money back. There are many, many things we need to do with that money so....YAY!!!

We still don't have dining room furniture. We gave our furniture away two weeks ago before we had the room painted. Our new furniture was supposed to be delivered last Tuesday, but that didn't work out because we got so much snow. Someone called and rescheduled us for today. Shortly after that, someone else called and tried to reschedule us for tomorrow. I asked the girl to MAKE SURE that it was Saturday because I couldn't figure out why she was calling me after I already worked this out with someone else. She assured me all was fine.

This morning Bob called to find out what time they were coming today, and the automated system informed him that our furniture would be delivered on TUESDAY. Heads rolled. They refunded the delivery charge, but not because they made a mistake. The only reason they refunded it was because I told them if they didn't, I was going down there and was cancelling the entire order. The aggravation of what we've been through the past week isn't worth the $100.

18 pounds gone. Yay.

Towards the end of every week I start to worry that I'll either gain weight or stay the same when I step on the scale. I have to find a way to stop it because it's making me crazy. In all probability, I will have some weeks that are like that. You can have a week where you do everything "right" and still gain weight. It just happens. And it won't be the end of the world when it does. Must keep repeating that over and over again until I get it.

Stay tuned for Tales of the Scale tomorrow morning...

I am craving a chocolate bar in the worst way (probably because I'm in the midst of my cycle????). I cracked open my points book and took a look at the points for some of my favorites (Hershey's with Almonds, Mr. Goodbar, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups). A Hershey's is 6 pts. I've decided that I really do want it, so in the next few days I'm going to go buy one and work it into my points for the day. As soon as I gave myself permission to have one, the craving had less of a hold on me. Wierd.

I feel like a million bucks. I snuck out today and had my hair done. I sat down in the chair and gave her carte blanche to do whatever she wanted to. She was so excited! She wound up coloring my hair a nice deep brown (to cover the bad home job I did), then putting in double highlights (red and blonde). She gave me a great cut and then dried it straight. I feel incredible. When you're used to your coarse, curly hair, there's nothing quite like running your hands through smooth, soft hair.

Now if that wasn't good enough...I had a LASIK post-op today. The girl who works there who always talks my ear off did not recognize me. She glanced right over me, and then came back with my chart, sort of bent over, squinted at me and said, "Renee? OHMYGOD I didn't even recognize you! You look fantastic!". She ran some tests, sent me back to the waiting room. Then it was the doctor's turn. It gets even better.

He noticed right away. "Your hair isn't curly. You got highlights! You look great!".

And about 10 minutes into my appointment, with my chin in the little cup he jumps back in surprise and goes, "YOU LOST WEIGHT. I can tell, I can see it in your face". I almost peed my pants I was so excited. I started hopping in the seat going, "I DID I DID I DID!!!!". More complements ensued.

Oh, and I stopped by Curves to get some information and the really, really young girl there was staring at my hair and goes, "Your hair is SO cool. I love the red and blonde stripes". OK, so I wasn't going for a striped look but a teeny bopper complemented me!

I feel so damn good.

I was going to try not to bitch about all the snow and instead blog about all I'm thankful for (which happens to be a lot). I change-ed my mind as Joey would say. I AM going to bitch about the snow, because there's no good reason to have 2+ feet of snow dumped on you. It's not even enjoyable for the kids because they can't even walk in it. It's so powdery that they just sink, and it's up to their necks. I got out there and shoveled for a while and today my back is killing me. We don't have the kind of driveway that's exactly shovelable (yes, new word). And to add insult to yesterday's injury, it was snowing when we woke up this morning, and kept snowing for several hours. Fortunately it didn't add much to the mountain we already received. Or maybe it did....there's just so much freaking snow it's hard to tell.

There are two commercials that really creep me out. One is the Herbal Essence commercial with the chick from Ally McBeal. I cringe every time it comes on, I can't stand to hear her orgasmic squeals. Blech.

The other one is the Bounty commercial with the woman cleaning her kitchen. All of a sudden she sprouts this HUGE manly arm and is pulled around the kitchen by the arm as it cleans. Something about the unnatural appendage really creeps me out.

And this morning I saw a Verizon commercial with James Earl Jones and he was breakdancing. It was just wrong. He's so....cool, so smooth, and they had him dancing like a goof. It bugged me.

You know what...I take it back. I CAN see the difference. I was just raiding my closet trying to find something to wear for DH's cousin's bridal shower today. I tried on two pairs of pants, and they're both too big. For the first time in a long, long time I'm going to walk out of my house with my shirt tucked in. Wahoo!

Then I stood in front of the mirror in my bra and panties, and I really could see I've lost weight. Yay.

I had to come back and update this: I just tried on several pairs of jeans that haven't seen the light of day in a long time. I tried on the next smallest size from what I've been currently wearing. They fit (no surprise since my current jeans are baggy). But then I tried on the next smallest size and they fit!!!! And they aren't tight, and they button, and they zip, and I look smaller...........

I'm contemplating joining Curves. I like the fact that it's only 30 minutes. I like resistance training. I really haven't heard anything bad about them. I'd like having 45 minutes to myself a few times a week. But, being true to my Libra self, I will waffle on this for many, many weeks unable to make up my mind.

My leader told me to go out and buy myself an article of clothing that fits the new me. I have a really hard time doing that. I really think that the day I put on my jeans and they fall down around my ankles...well that'll be the day I go buy some new jeans. I can't see buying something I'm not going to fit in in a few weeks/months. It would be a HUGE waste of money to me. I am really excited at the prospect of hitting several milestones in the next few pounds though. I think what I will do (ha, I have to do it, I have no choice) is buy myself something new for DH's cousin's wedding coming up in May. I'm sure I won't be a twig, but I'm sure I'll be feeling pretty darn good, so I can treat myself then.

I can't really *see* the changes in my body yet. I can see that my pants are baggy. I can see that my t-shirts are no longer vaccuum-sealed to my breasts and bulge. Now they just hang from my breasts, so I still appear just as fat as I did, just less Michelin-Tire-Man looking. I always lose it in my face last, which I think happens to be the place most people see the loss first. So I think it'll be a while before people notice. But they will.

SIXTEEN POUNDS. That'd be 16. Pounds. I love this leader.

It looks like Mother Nature has other plans for me tomorrow. I guess I'll be shoveling snow again instead of going to WW. Have I mentioned I'm tired of winter?

I have to say that as I'm about to begin week 6, this whole journey has gotten easier for me. Things are second nature now. I don't think about food all the time. I don't eat if I'm bored. I'm eating to live. Eating to fuel my body. And on occasions like tonight, eating for the pure enjoyment of having a great meal with my family. But I'm not working at it like I was, it's coming much more naturally. I still have some issues, I have a lot of guilt when I eat something I feel I shouldn't have. I'm really trying to work on this. I have only gone over points one day in the past five weeks. And that was only 1 point over. And I had banked points so it truly wasn't a big deal. But in my head it was. I felt "bad" because I didn't follow the plan the way I felt I should have. I have to learn to throw those "shouldas" out the window. I'm working on it. Can't do everything all at once. ;o)

I have to post this recipe I made tonight. It was really, really good and only requires a handful of ingredients, most of which you may have on hand. It's from Cooking Light magazine:

Pommes Anna (Potatoes Anna)

1 teaspoon kosher or sea salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
2-1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
3 pounds peeled baking potatoes, cut into 1/8-inch-thick slices
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted and divided
1 tablespoon chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley, optional

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Combine salt and pepper in a small bowl.

Melt 2 1/2 tablespoons butter in a 10-inch cast-iron or ovenproof heavy skillet over medium heat. Arrange a single layer of potato slices, slightly overlapping, in a circular pattern in pan; sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon salt mixture. Drizzle 1/2 teaspoon melted butter over potatoes. Repeat the layers 5 times, ending with butter. Press firmly to pack. Cover and bake at 450 degrees for 20 minutes.

Uncover and bake an additional 25 minutes or until potatoes are golden. Loosen edges of potatoes with a spatula. Place a plate upside down on top of pan; invert potatoes onto plate. Sprinkle with parsley, if desired.

YIELD: 8 servings (serving size: 1 wedge)
calories 208; carbohydrates 36.7 g; cholesterol 14 mg; fat 5.2 g; sodium 353 mg; protein 3.4 g; calcium 11 mg; iron 0.7 mg; fiber 2.6 g

I didn't use the parsley because I didn't feel like having a huge bunch go to waste when I only needed a tablespoon. I also used plain old table salt instead of kosher. It's amazing how something so simple can be so good.

This week has turned out kind of crappy. We're all sick and noen of us are getting enough sleep.

Joey's party was great....a good time was had by all and I was thrilled that it wasn't in my house. I had to cancel our family plans for Sunday because both kids were sick.

My eye started to swell on Monday (I had been thinking I had a stye for a few days). When I woke up Tuesday morning my eye was so swollen it was shut. It got better as the day went on, but I made an emergency appointment anyway because I'm protective of my eyes since the LASIK. Besides, it hurt. They told me it was a virus that was in my eyelid, would probably begin to affect the eye and there was basically nothing to do except put cold compresses on it to reduce the swelling. By Tuesday night the swelling was down considerably. Woke up Wednesday morning, and it was swollen shut again. It looked like someone punched me in the eye. The swelling subsided by last night, but was back again this morning, though not as bad. I think it's getting better, and just for the record, I don't think it was a virus. I think it WAS a stye that popped, and I think maybe I rubbed my eye with dirty hands and got something yucky in there.

We had our dining room painted yesterday. Wow. It's bright. Way, way, way brighter than I thought it would be. See for yourself:



I'm hoping I get used to it. Our furniture comes on Tuesday, maybe it won't look quite so shocking once there's stuff in the room.

I dropped off our tax information to my friend today so she can do them for us. I'm hoping we get back as much as we did last year. That would be really cool.

I'm so ready for Spring and warm weather. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of the kids being sick. I'm tired of snow (we're supposed to get more this weekend). I want heat. I want laundry that consists of shorts and t-shirts. I want to play outside. I want my house getting tracked with sand from the sandbox instead of snow from our shoes. I'm done with Winter.

I have a few moments so I thought I'd explain what a blessing yesterday turned out to be. Because they cancelled, I was forced to find another meeting. I decided to go to one today and I'm SO glad I did. The meeting I went to was in a WW center, not a local group like the hospital. This place has weigh-ins all week long, several meetings each day. I was at the door when they opened at 8:30 this morning. I lost 4.2 lbs. for a total of 13.6 lbs my first month. This center charges less for the meetings. It's just as close as my Friday night meeting. I don't have to deal with parking issues. I don't have to starve myself all day for weigh-in. And the best part of all....the leader was unbelieavably good. She rivals the first leader I had, and believe me, that's saying a lot. I didn't think I'd ever find someone as good as my first leader. She's funny, she's very motivating and she makes sense. I feel like I filled my cup this morning. I'm ready for a great week ahead. I'm also fully prepared to stay the same or even gain next week. 4.2 lbs. is a huge loss for one week.

So yesterday's chaos was actually a blessing in disguise.

I feel like crying. I called this afternoon (after it stopped snowing, mind you) to make sure the meeting was still on. It was. So I starved myself all day (I like to eat light on weigh-in day), I drank about 80 gozillion glasses of water before noon so I could pee it all out, I shoveled the snow (TWICE!!! I GOT BACK OUT THERE AT 3:00 AND DID IT AGAIN!), I took a shower and put on some make-up, drove up there, parked in the PAY parking lot....only to get out of the car and hear my SIL yell my name and tell me the meeting was cancelled. Luckily she saw me so I didn't walk all the way into the hospital. I immediately got right back in the car, and realized that I a) didn't have any money on me and b) could not, therefore, pay the $2.00 for the 60 whole seconds I was in the parking lot.

So I tell the guard, and he starts yelling at me that I should have told him when I pulled in that I didn't have any money on me. I tried NICELY explaining to him that I had no reason to announce to him that I had no money, since WW validates your parking ticket so you don't have to pay. And since I was under the assumption that the meeting was still on, I didn't realize there was a problem. He tried arguing with me some more until I told him I wasn't going to grow any money so he could either let me out or continue to hold up the cars behind me. He let me out.

SO....now I have to find a meeting tomorrow, even though tomorrow is going to be chaotic at best (Joey's skating lesson and party is tomorrow). It's going to really fuck up my weight loss next week (I'm afraid I'll show a gain next week) because I have one more day added to this week now, plus I'll be weighing in the morning instead of at night. And we all know that you weigh less in the morning. So while tomorrow's weigh in might look good (and maybe it won't, they'll have different scales there), next week might not.

The thing that kills me is that there was no reason to cancel this evening's meeting. It had stopped snowing by early afternoon and the roads were clear.

I was so irritated when I came home that I wanted to eat everything in sight, but I kept telling myself that I only wanted to binge because I was upset and to just let it go. Obviously I haven't let it go because I'm still so pissed, but I didn't eat everything in sight. So I'll count my blessings.

But I freaking worked hard this week, and I don't like anything screwing with it!

I'm really proud of myself. I made a commitment to make it to weigh-in and a meeting every week. I went when it was well below zero and I didn't feel like going. But today I hauled my lazy butt out of this nice warm house and shoveled my driveway. Those of you who have ever seen my driveway know what a feat that was. I live on top of a hill and the driveway is a nightmare. I shoveled for over an hour, and did a damn good job. And I did it because I'm afraid DH will be stuck at work tonight and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make it to weigh in. I didn't want to depend on him to make it home in time to shovel so I could get out. I'll know by 3:30 if he's coming home or not. If not, I'll head back out and shovel again (it's not supposed to stop until early this afternoon). I'm hoping he does come home, that way I don't have to drag the kids with me, I can stay for the meeting and I won't have to shovel again! My back has been hurting the past two days because I pinched something. All that shoveling didn't help. I know I'm going to be hurting later. But yay me for taking the steps to make sure I get there instead of taking the easy way out and just not going!

I feel like the only thing I ever talk about is my weight loss and my gram. But hey, it's my blog...I'll blog the way I want to.

My gram is still in the hospital, and still doing poorly. She has started hallucinating and it's really wigging out my mom. My mom said she talks to me constantly when she's not lucid. :o(

She also has bad dreams that people (namely my mom and my cousin Little Judy) are painting me with ugly paint and she's really aggitated about it. My mom said she keeps trying to protect me.

She also struck up a conversation with Jackie O about bananas in her bed.

Before Christmas she told my mom that she would be here for her birthday, but not for Easter. Her birthday is on Monday, she and Joey share the same birthday. My mom told me today that she really feels like she's trying desperately to hold on until Monday. :o( She has done nothing but surprise us though. We've almost lost her so many times the past few months and she keeps rebounding so who knows.

I know there are collar bones under here somewhere. I can't see em. I can't even feel them. But they've got to be there, right?

Oh.My.Goodness. My underwear are baggy.

Joey had skating lesson #4 today. I'm just so proud of him. I have this huge goofy smile on my face the entire 30 minutes he's on the ice. Today Bob had to go speak to him and tell him he didn't have to keep falling down on purpose just to show me how he could get up all by himself. ;o) He's doing so well that we signed him up for Tot Hockey starting in March. He's so excited, and so are we.

I bought the paint for our dining room today. This was a major accomplishment for me considering I have such a difficult time making up my mind (that's my Libra side showing). It's going to be done in a color wash. The base coat is called Transluscent Cream and the glaze is called Burnt Sienna. It has a very rustic feel to it. Our friend is coming to paint on the 12th (he's doing everything except the glaze) and the only thing I have to do is decide on a paint for the ceiling and the trim. It'll probably take me until then to figure that out. Decorating does not come easily to me. I have about 3 pictures on my walls in my house, I'm just not good at "merchandising" as Christopher Lowell puts it.